Living the American Dream

American Graffiti Naperville Style

2011-08-11T08:59:00.006-05:00

From the time we first arrived in Naperville, I would wander around downtown admiring all the art works we have here. As I became more involved in the community I decided what I really needed was a statue to myself on the Riverwalk. What I will say is "be careful what you wish for". I don't think I'll ever get one of those, but this summer Grumpy and I are making our mark by appearing in the latest piece of Century Art Walk art, Naperville Loves a Parade. The photo above could be a collector's item in years to come. It was the artist's first attempt at me, but now painted over.

This is very cool. It's Naperville artist Dick Locher with his alter ego Dick Tracy. Love it!

Grumpy and I wanted to be known forever more as that eccentric British couple, hence the pose.
I'd also like to be remembered as that cute blonde who never looked a day over 21 but even artists aren't that creative.

Here we are with some of our newest closest 'friends'. Who says you need Facebook to have friends posted on your wall?

The New Oprah

2011-07-14T11:21:00.003-05:00

I'm going to let you into a little secret. I have a new project. I'm to be the new Oprah! Ok, maybe I'm exaggerating just a little. Actually even that's an exaggeration. The only thing Oprah and I have in common is we both have H, A and R in our names, although not necessarily in the same order.

The truth of the matter is I'm working on a program that maybe aired on our local TV station, NCTV. Another exaggeration. It will be aired but they have to approve a few episodes first so technically they may hate it. But they won't.

I've been working on this since last September. The only reason I'm mentioning it now is because we're going to begin filming within the next few weeks.

So, I hear you ask, what's it all about? Thanks for asking.

It's called The Ladies Room. Overall myself and any other local women I can find will be examining the topic "can Naperville women have it all?" To do this I'll be focusing on different topics that the average woman thinks is necessary to complete her life.

Now reading this back it actually looks pretty boring, but it won't be. First of all in the world of local TV I have overall control, as long as we don't talk about anything you'd actually want to hear about, like sex and wife swapping. (Still working on that).

Fortunately I do have an ace producer to keep me under control, who unlike myself, knows exactly what he's doing.

I believe the show will be good for Naperville women, because they deserve their own TV show, by which I do not mean some reality claptrap. It'll be good for my six fans, in which I include my dog, because they'll be able to watch me on TV and on the internet around the world.

The Ladies Room should allow me to present much of what I've done over the past four years in a new medium. (Or extra large). I aim to be a sounding block for local women, presenting their stories in a caring and gentle way.

But most of all it will give me the chance to be bloody hilarious, totally self deprecating and a fine example of British eccentrity at it's best.

Please 'like' The Ladies Room Naperville' on facebook so you can keep up with what's happening. The show will be interactive, so I need viewers to post and communicate on there.

Finally an insight into why I am doing this.

In January I will no longer have the right to work in this country. My new project is actually extremely hard work - a full time job in fact. But it is a voluntary position. Not one person on the show gets paid. To the contrary I've already invested quite a good proportion of my pitifully low salary on it.

I could sit in a heap and cry about how terrible life is, how I can live in the U.S. but not work. I could spend my day baking and alas eating cookies. I could, and probably will, volunteer all over town. Since I've been here, I've let my work define me. So just because I will not 'technically' be working, I'm not going to let it stop me from achieving my dreams.

I quite fancy being a TV star, so I'm going to be. It won't be paid, no one will watch it, it won't make me famous. But it will be a service to the women of Naperville and by golly am I going to have fun with it!

Something To Get Her Teeth Into

2011-07-07T10:48:00.005-05:00

Daisy has a new leash on life now we've bought a 20' line to tether her in the front yard. But sometimes even the cutest dog allows her halo to slip....

"All the better to bite you with, my dear."

"With a bit of luck I can get this right over my head." (She did too).

"Is this what they mean by being in the inner circle?"

Home Sweet Home?

2011-07-06T08:28:00.000-05:00

I can’t fail to notice that of all the reporters the Naperville Sun could have chosen to cover Naperville’s Independence Day celebrations, they chose a Brit. I like to think it is because you are not quite as free from us as you would like, but the reality is that every American would rather be at home celebrating with their families than working.
I’ve been observing Americans at work and play for more than four years since moving here from London. I particularly love 4th July. It’s not just that it celebrates your freedom from the British, for which you’re very welcome by the way. It’s the way you celebrate. Some countries mark their independence with military parades. Here in Naperville you celebrate as only Midwesterners can - with outdoor cook outs, barrels of beer, loud music and fireworks.
Even at a giant four day party for 250,000 of your closest friends, the only crime is irritation for those who live within a two mile radius of Knoch Knolls Park and a couple of vegetarians.
No one does patriotism like the Americans. From the Central Park Municipal Band Concert on Thursday night to the fireworks on 4th July, it makes me feel proud to be an American when I’m actually English. I chant the Pledge of Allegiance and applaud war veterans. Looking at such displays from across the ocean I thought it was all rather corny, and singularly unBritish, but when you’re in the center of it you cannot fail to be moved.
So I’m actually delighted to have covered two years of Ribfest now. I don’t have family here for a back yard cook out. It gives me somewhere to be where I am right in the thick of things. Much as like my position as observer, sometimes it’s good to get caught up a little too.
It also reminds me, as if I needed reminding, that being part of these celebrations is not my right as it is yours. At this time of year I know you all remember those who died for the freedom of this country and those who are serving still. I am fighting a different battle. One of visas and red tape that I hope to eventually win, but not without some huge personal sacrifices.
So while I still can, I’m happy to share your celebrations and shed a tear through those oh so patriotic moments. Because one day I’ll be able to sing God Bless America knowing it is my permanent home sweet home.

Happy 5th July!

2011-07-05T08:22:00.000-05:00

Here's Grumpy and me at Ribfest. Thanks to my friend Gill for photo. If she'd have got it to me earlier it would have been Happy 4th July!

Their Big Fat Gay Jewish Wedding

2011-07-04T12:28:00.008-05:00

The advantage of being an independent synagogue means you can pretty much make up your own rules. We've seen a lot of different things at Congregation Beth Shalom, but none more special than the wedding we attended yesterday. It had all the trappings of a traditional Jewish wedding, except with two grooms. The beautiful ceremony began with some beautiful harp music from Annette Bjorling.

Here come the page boys....

Long time blog readers will be interested to know that Scott was Moses in Holy Neuteronomy! Fortunately this time he appeared without the beard!

Here's his husband to be Josh, with his parents Jeff and Eileen.

In orthodox Jewish weddings the bride circles the groom seven times. This time each groom circled the other three times.

Under the chupah the grooms hold up their rings before exchanging them.
At the end of the ceremony they both trod on glasses. Traditionally this symbolizes remembering the destruction of the temple in Jerusalem and all that is broken in the world. For this couple, they remembered that life for many other same gender couples is not so easy.

"Hey, give me a hand up before you eat all the cake!"

Hava Nagilah, don't mind if I do. After the ceremony traditional dancing with the newlyweds carried aloft on chairs with a handkerchief between them.

Blogger's Note: This was a religious ceremony only. Scott and Josh are not having a civil union although they have recently become legal in Illinois. Instead they plan to get married in New York State where they live and gay marriage has just become legalized.

A Cool Job for Hot Weather - America's Chefs

2011-07-02T17:37:00.004-05:00

Being a newspaper reporter means I work when no one else wants to...like on a sweltering 4th July weekend. Not that I'm complaining. Just occasionally I get to meet some really cool people - like these chefs from Food Network's Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.
Even better my interview was videoed by America's Chefs for publicity on You Tube. Anyone would think I was preparing for my own TV show or something...
Read my report for the Naperville Sun below.

In the 1940s comedian Bob Hope famously entertained the troops with comedy and music. Today’s military are just as like to be entertained by a new brand of traveling show – America’s Chefs. The non profit travels the world bringing a tasty recipe of home cooking served hot from a barrel of laughs. This weekend America’s Chefs are bringing stars from Food Network’s Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives to add to the menu at Ribfest.
America’s Chefs was cooked up three years ago by Christian Vaughan. His own particular tour of duty has included Guantanamo Bay, Iraq and Afghanistan, as well as military bases in Europe and the U.S.
“Diners, Drive-ins and Dives has visited between four and 500 locations so far so we have a large pool of chefs to choose from,” he said at Knoch Park Saturday. “These guys are real characters and they are all donating their time to support the troops. They understand the hardship of servicemen who have to go for months at a time without seeing their families. So they are prepared to give up seeing their own families for a little while. They know it is important to give back.”
Vaughan described this weekend’s crew as “ready to go chefs in a box”.
“It’s fantastic to have ribbers here working, but how cool is it to have celebrity chefs too?” he said.
Among the demonstrations at the specially constructed arena in the north side of the park will be a hands on experiences for families. Sarah Simington will be showing children and parents how to make safe healthy snacks without the use of hot stoves or sharp knives.
Darwell Yeager, of Darwell’s Caf in Long Beach, Mississippi, will be giving visitors a taste of the South with his crawfish etouffee.
“We had difficulties finding crawfish in this area,” he admitted, “so we had it brought in from New Orleans.”
Yeager opened his family business just 28 days before Hurricane Katrina struck.
“We were the only restaurant in the area that survived,” he said. “For six to eight months we provided food for free and used a backroom as a refugee camp. I had to drive ten miles north to pick up supplies.”
Yeager said appearing with Guy Fieri on Diner’s, Drive-Ins and Dives had a ‘ripple effect.’
“It’s given us credibility,” he said. “We call ourselves the only family friendly honky tonk on the coast.”
For Mike Hardin, it’s all about the burgers. The owner of Hodad’s in San Diego even has a burger tattooed on his leg.
“We started out as a little hole in the wall,” he said. “Now we have 60 employees and people line up half an hour before we open. For us it’s all about service. Our employees have to work up towards being waiters. Everyone has to start not as a bus boy but by cooking the burgers.”
Hardin will be demonstrating his bacon cheeseburgers.
“I never liked those two little strips of bacon on a burger,” he confessed. “I let 15lbs of bacon boil for an hour and a half. Then I make strips into patties to lie on top of the burger and the cheese. I tell customers they are not here for their health they are here for a greasy run down your arm hamburger. It’s not life or death, its lunch or dinner.”

Mrs Illinois

2011-07-01T18:44:00.002-05:00

If it's July in Naperville, it must be Ribfest. Here's a different photo to the usual rib vendors...me and Mrs Illinois. I wonder if I could win a Mrs Naperville contest?

Healthwatch

2011-06-29T14:33:00.003-05:00

In England people are proud if they never have to see a doctor. In the U.S it's the other way round. Here people are encouraged to go even if they are well! Of course sitting in a doctor's office is a lot more pleasant when you're not throwing up or sneezing, just a bit scary for us Brits (by which I mean, me, the neurotic).
Having spent four years successfully avoiding a 'primary care physician', yesterday we succumbed. I'm still not ill, but after trying to navigate the medical system when Grumpy was hospitalized, I see they play a different role here.
Grumpy and I went along together for our first joint appointment. Being polite I didn't want to bother the doctor with any of my own minor ailments, but I just wanted to make sure he knew exactly what I had to put up with from my other half.
The office was small, with a desk, computer, magazines, chair and a photocopier with a padded top. Turned out this was an examination bed, although I swear there was space for A4 paper in a draw beneath it.
The doctor politely began by telling us we were obese - hardly an ice-breaker if he ever expected to see me ever again.
"Do you exercise?" he began.
"Do I look like I exercise?" I replied, offended before realizing this might not be the answer he was looking for.
Eventually he concurred I was actually quite healthy for someone my age (back handed compliment if ever I heard one), but then again I haven't been through the dreaded slew of tests yet......

A Taste of the Taste

2011-06-26T22:41:00.009-05:00

After three years, we decided this year it was time to pay another visit to the Taste of Chicago.

You need a big vehicle to deliver Chicago sized portions.

Still recovering from sciatica, Grumpy decided he could use another leg.

But afterwards he was so thirsty he needed a fountain drink.

Just the one for me.

"Hey, didn't we used to be big in Chicago?"

You know the economy's bad when this is the office of the Secretary of State....

Afterwards, a little game of chess with some of my Czech mates....

Voluncheers

2011-06-24T22:36:00.002-05:00

Let’s raise our glasses to the party elite of Naperville!
You know who we are. We’re the beautiful people who put
the fun into fundraisers. You can find us on any given
evening in a local bar or hotel bobbing about on a sea
of chat and laughter. The only thing louder than our voices
as we struggle to be heard above the breaking waves is the
sound of us patting our carefully manicured hands across our
own backs.
Not part of the inner circle? Don’t worry. You can find us among
the pages of local magazines, or the fan pages of Facebook.
You’ll see the same people popping up every time. Of course
‘in this economy’ that we refer to with some gravitas, it’s
not politically correct to enjoy yourself too much. Even in
Naperville hundreds of our neighbors are out of work or worse
out of food. So what do we do? We use the parties as an excuse
to give back to them. Hangovers with a cause! Sure we may
suffer a little the next morning, but that’s as good as wearing
a designer gown made of sack cloth and ashes.
Manicured nails may be all well and good, but it stops you
getting your hands dirty. Instead of raising money for people,
why not raise hope?
There are possibly as many people working on the coal face as
those dancing above it in the moonlight. There are Naperville
residents who volunteer overseas, build solar ovens and schools
in third world countries and houses right here in Aurora.
There are countless volunteers who work tirelessly at events,
behind the scenes and in front of the shelves at the food
pantry.
Are they the local celebrities of the Naperville scene? Not
necessarily. They go about their business, feeling just as
good as everyone else about the good works they do, but just
a little less publically.
I have a foot in a both camps. My heeled foot maybe a little
sore, but it loves taking me to some of these glittering events.
I’m definitely a party animal, although as I get older possibly
more of a comfortable old kitty than a cougar. My sneakered foot
helps out at other times, but I won’t say where because that’s
not why I do it.
So we have two camps when it comes to volunteering, those who
like to be seen and those who don’t. But if there is one thing
I have learned it’s this. Partying or plowing is equally fine.
The one thing that isn’t is doing nothing at all.

Tornado Alley Dog

2011-06-21T20:28:00.003-05:00

I'm writing this from my basement during a tornado warning. Grumpy's out, so I'm home alone with my guard dog, who is sniffing around just to make sure no gusts of wind can sneak in through the floor boards.
I can hear thunder rumbling in the not to distant distance. The sirens went off a few minutes ago, just enough time for me to decide what to take down into the basement with me.
I decided on three essentials only. My laptop, my phone and my six month old puppy.
She's delighted to have found a ball to play with, but is displaying obvious concern as to why I feel the need to blog about it.
It's times like this that I wish we had a more luxurious basement. If the house is in danger, surely it would be better to have a more basic upstairs and leave the good stuff for down below? But then again what we do in the event of a flood?
My journalistic head makes me wonder if I should actually be knocking on neighbors' doors asking for quotes. These tornadoes are very random. They can get one house and miss another, so not sure which neighbor to talk to anyway.
I'm also concerned as to how I would know the warning is over. I have no TV down here, and anyhow what would happen if the electricity went out? Supposing I fell asleep and missed the all clear siren? I could be down here for weeks until either Grumpy finally missed me or the cleaning ladies called.
Getting a little noisier now. Why am sitting in a miserable basement when I could be upstairs taking photos? I did cover a library board meeting earlier this evening, but somehow this is a little more exciting.
I'm hallucinating that Daisy is Toto and she's going to fly off in one of the baskets littering the basement shelves.
What would eat if I were stranded here? A few bottles of three year old Guiness or a Mike's Hard Lemonade? At least I won't die of thirst. Or boredom. I've a pool table and some bowling games. There's darts too, plus enough flatware for two dozen people should they need to take shelter.
It's really creepy down here. I can hear more rumbling and what about the mice? Not pet ones heaven forbid, but the ones that avoid the traps at all cost. Supposing one of them jumped out at me? In fact I can hear a scratching now...oh hang on, it's just Daisy chewing up the carpet, great.
They say a tornado sounds like a train rushing past. I lived by a station for years in England..wonder if the trains sounded like a tornado?

Reasons Why I Haven't Blogged - Again!

2011-06-07T14:33:00.003-05:00

1. I've had to act as nursemaid as Grumpy is recovering from the acute sciatica that put him in hospital for two weeks. I don't know why they call it cute - it wasn't at all.
2. Abi has been visiting for a month, which meant when I wasn't at the hospital I was in a store somewhere. (Can't lose sight of the important things in life, whatever's happening).
3. Daisy has been spayed. Fortunately this hasn't led directly to menopaws, but it does mean she can't vacuum for six weeks so I've had to do it myself.

From Your Royal Correspondent

2011-04-22T11:11:00.002-05:00

As a typical Brit, I'm the first one to moan about my homeland. After all, if I liked it that much I'd still be living there and this blog would be called Living the American Nightmare. One area where we can't be beat though, is pageantry and history. Living in a city which is yet to celebrate its 200th birthday, I can now see why the Americans get so excited when they visit London. Gosh, we sell food older than their entire country.
This week excitement has been building on TV towards next Friday's Royal Wedding. Personally I'd be a bit irritated if my big day was constantly being compared to my late mother-in-law's, but I guess they have a way of getting in there even if they are not physically around any more.
I've seen film of London streets decked out royally with huge Union Jacks, and blooming tulips bobbing in the sunshine. Considering here its pouring with rain and freezing cold, for once it feels like a bit of role reversal.
If you watch American TV regularly, you'd be forgiven for thinking there was no other country but this one on the planet, so its interesting that there are daily updates from London and documentaries about the preparations.
I'm delighted that the Naperville Sun has asked me to write a column about the big day, so I'll be awake at 3 a.m. next Friday, watching, blogging, talking on the phone to London and facebooking. Not sure if Kate has ever visited Naperville, if the Prince buys clothes in Deans or buys gifts for his grandmother's corgis in The Two Bostons, but if there's an angle I'll find it.

Spam a lot

2011-04-21T12:17:00.004-05:00

Since the advent of e mail, we've all got used to dealing with more spam than the entire British army could digest during the Second World War. But today I discovered that it does actually have a funny side. It all started at 4.30 a.m. when my new smart phone bleeped to tell me I had an e mail. To be honest, if it were that smart it would know to wait til a decent hour, but I digress. The message was from a friend saying she'd had a message from me that looked suspicious and said she wouldn't open it until I okayed it. Quite what she was doing checking her e mails so early I have no idea, but I checked and realized it was spam.
By 6 a.m. I had over 100 e mails telling me my message couldn't be delivered. They, of course, were computer generated so not very interesting, but if I had only known the response I would get if I decided to say "hi" to everyone I have ever e mailed I would have done it much sooner.
First was an old work colleague who now lives in Greece. It prompted her to tell me the Greek word for Easter was very similar to Passover. I didn't know that. I didn't really
need to know it at 6 o'clock in the morning, but hey, I was up anyway.
By 10 a.m. I had had another 100 'out of office' e mails, which means I'll hear personally from all of them after the Easter holidays in England.
I've had several from people saying they couldn't open my message, and asked if I could resend. A contact at Naperville Library said she had a real belly laugh from my message about gastric bypasses, and another contact said she was flattered she was still on my list and pitched a story.
All the emails from my account are different so I'm not sure what they say, but I've had 50 orders for my penis enlarging medication, three offers of marriage and an offer from a porn movie director and it's only lunchtime.
I'm even getting celebrity responses. Recently retired Dick Tracy artist Dick Locher told me he'd wait to order my ice machine until the weather hits 95 degrees!

Driving Through The Pain Barrier

2011-04-18T16:24:00.002-05:00

I have to report a potential emergency today. I had to stop all my Passover preparations to take Grumpy to the chiropractor. He's had a pain in his leg all weekend and was not happy. The mere fact that he allowed me to drive shows the pain he was in. The fact that he even said he was comfortable in the car seat shows how delirious he was. He'd seen the doctor on Saturday, but this time she suggested he needed more help. A pain specialist. I went pale. This was terrible news. As designated driver I would have to take him to see someone else! I only went to see her because her office is in Naperville. Anyone who knows me knows I won't drive out of the city. "That's terrible," I said to the receptionist. "Wh...wh..where is his office?" "Don't worry, I think he'll live," she replied, mistaking my selfishness as caring. "He has one in Naperville and one in Romeoville," she said. "We'll get him the first available appointment." I had no idea where Romeoville was. Somewhere near Joliet, I guessed. (Think about it Shakespeare fans). Where ever it was, we wouldn't be in Naperville any more. "The first? Oh no, I think we should wait for Naperville," I blabbered. "Don't want to hurt him any more than we need to." My luck the pain specialist could see him in an hour in Romeoville. We got in the car and I cautiously typed the location into my GPS, taking car to avoid freeways, tollways, speed limits higher than 25 miles an hour, crosswalks and traffic lights. Strangely enough it still told me the journey would only take 20 minutes. Turns out I only had to drive five minutes on an unknown route. Of course by then Grumpy was back to reminding me about the speed limit and which side of the road to drive on. The good news was that he now has some drugs to take. If they don't work they'll try a nasty epidural injection with a light sedative. Personally I don't mind that at all. The procedure will be carried out less than a mile of our house.

Graduation Sensation

2011-03-31T20:48:00.005-05:00

It's very pressurized being a Naperville mom. Education is everything. Even puppies have to graduate if they want to get on.
But fortunately Daisy showed she was a degree above the others tonight when she graduated from puppy school.
The proud parents with one very confused dog.
Teacher's pet.
"Hey Pepper, let's sneak out of the dorm for a celebratory drink when they've gone to bed. You can stand on my shoulders and drink out of the toilet..."

Right Place, Right Time

2011-03-29T22:17:00.003-05:00

Photo credit: Steve Vukosovic

I tell you, it was pretty scary there being unemployed for a whole week. Anyway, tonight I was back where I belong - freelancing for the Naperville Sun.
Here I am with Olympic Gold Medalist Kristi Yamaguchi at Anderson's.
Celebs don't often have time for interviews, so I went along expecting only to speak to fans. But one co-incidence occurred after another.
1. Addressing the crowd, Kristi mentioned the publishers of her new book (a New York Times Children's Best Seller) were local to Naperville.
2. I found the publisher who took me aside so I could interview her.
3. Kristi popped back for a minute before signing hundreds of autographs so I managed to grab a few words.
4. My former photographer colleague Steve came by at just the right moment and took our picture.

I realize I now have a niche at the Sun. I'm their go to person for stories about Olympic Gold Medalists who have been on Dancing with the Stars!

For full story click on:
http://napervillesun.suntimes.com

or see tomorrow's paper.

If The Royal Wedding Was Held In Naperville..

2011-03-29T10:04:00.003-05:00

1. The locals would actually be excited about it.
2. Quigleys would be decked out with Union Jack bunting and serve $1 pints all day.
3. Every sub division would hold a street party.
4. All the women in the town would start wearing hats.
5. The Canterbury Shoppe would sell tasteful souvenirs that no one could afford.
6. Mayor Pradel would give the Royal couple the key to the city and declare April 29th "Wills and Kate Day".
7. The Naperville Sun would have a special eight part pull out supplement.
8. Glancer magazine would run one photo of a blonde guest with no caption (if you sense a note of bitterness there, you're correct, but serves them right)
9. Coldstone would sell wedding cakes made of ice cream. (Remember it was my idea first when you see it).
10. We wouldn't have to wake up at 4 a.m. to watch it on TV.

Presents Perfect

2011-03-28T12:56:00.005-05:00

"What's that I hear? Is it the mail man?"
"It is!"
"Er..but now I have to get down these stairs...help!"
"Oh boy, it's a present from Abi in England. Just what I've always wanted....a houndbag! How do you think it looks?"
"And my first real London souvenir!"

The Dog Whisperer

2011-03-25T16:30:00.004-05:00

Since I'm not working at the moment, I've decided to become an anthropologist. I've been studying Daisy's body language in depth an have come up with the following preliminary results:

Action: She stops what she's doing and stares into my eyes until I have an overwhelming desire to give her a treat.
Result: I stop what I'm doing and give her a treat.
Consequence: Daisy is in complete control and I find little bits of dog treat in whatever I've been cooking at the time.

Action: Daisy grips my sleeve/arm with her teeth and refuses to let go.
Result: I consider making bracelets out of live dogs as my next career move.
Consequence: I no longer need gloves because I can poke my fingers through my sleeves.

Action: Daisy sits down and refuses to walk outside on her leash.
Result: I carry her 200 yards, put her on the ground and she walks back home.
Consequence: I'm building huge muscles in my right arm and she looks like a set of bagpipes.

Why Facebook Is Like Primary School

2011-03-24T10:13:00.003-05:00

1. You never really learn anything much from it, you just think you do.
2. It makes you feel popular, even when you may not be.
3. It gives you the chance to tell to everyone what you did last night, even before your first class.
4. It gives you the opportunity to say "I'm not going to be your friend anymore" by blocking someone - the biggest insult of the social media age.
5. You can tell everyone who you like, which sort of suggests if they want to be your friend you should like it too.
6. It helps make the smallest thing into something huge, when the reality is the people who have something 'huge' don't have time to facebook about it all day.
7. It gives you something to do during the day before your parents/children/husband comes home.
8. You can play games on it when other people think you are working.
9. You can tell everyone what you did on your vacation/at the weekend without them having to actually listen.
10.It gives you something to blog about when you are treated childishly by a former 'employer' and are looking for work.

Dogged Determination

2011-03-22T09:32:00.003-05:00

In the early days of this blog I would write articles here because I didn't have anyone else to publish them. Four years later I find myself temporarily back in the same position. I don't think I could have picked a more difficult career for myself here if I'd have tried. I will, of course, be back in print soon, but until then I'll be back blogging. So for any Grumpy fans here's the next installment.

As a mom, or should I say mum, back in England, I never really looked forward to my daughter’s parent teacher conferences. It wasn’t that she was a bad student, but she was forever in trouble for talking in class. I come from a long line of women who talk too much. As a child my mother and I could barely make it back from a trip to the corner store in less than an hour because she would have to stop and chat with everyone she saw, unfortunately whether she knew them or not.

Although I no longer have to attend those dreaded conferences, in many ways I feel like a new mom now we have a new baby in the house – albeit a small furry one with four paws and a striking black beard.

When Grumpy comes home from work we always talk in detail about Daisy’s potty training, although I really must try to stop doing that during dinner. We discuss if she’s been a good girl or a bad one, forgetting that in reality she’s actually a dog and doesn’t deliberately do anything wrong (apparently). I’ve actually heard myself saying “wait til your father gets home”, although this is pretty unlikely since he’s actually a dog who lives in Missouri.

Things were going pretty well, until we enrolled in puppy obedience classes. I’m not talking about the dog’s behaviour, but within a week we were back in our old roles as parents.

“I think she’s very intelligent,” I heard Grumpy tell the trainer. “She’s only three months old and she can already sit. She’s a fast learner.”

While he was falling into proud pushy parent mode, Daisy was following in our real daughter’s footsteps. Within seconds she was firm friends with her class mate Pepper, refused to do any work at all and spent the whole lesson playing and messing about. (I mean messing in the literal sense here, unfortunately).

“Did you feed her before you brought her here this evening?” said the trainer accusingly. I won’t be doing that again.

By the third week I’ll swear Daisy had been texting her friend between classes. They rushed into each others paws leaping up and down like teenagers at a Justin Bieber concert. Pepper is now running rings around our puppy who is turning into a straight D student, and I don’t mean D for dog. All we can hope is she can get by on her looks, because at this rate she’s destined to become a dumb blonde.

Out of class we’ve spent hours doing her homework for her. Grumpy lays down on the floor while I pretend to feed him a treat in the hope that Daisy will understand what we want her to do. If we meet strangers on the street, she jumps up and down like a lunatic waving her paws at them like long lost friends. Either she’s begging them to rescue her or she’s inherited some of my family genes after all.

Daisy Plays Bach

2011-03-10T10:32:00.001-06:00

Daisy may still not be house trained or that good on a leash, but how many other puppies can play the piano? Her favourite? Bach of course!

Puppy Poser

2011-03-09T13:57:00.003-06:00

She may only be three months old, but no one in my household is allowed to shirk their responsibilities. Having failed miserably at house training (two weeks in and she's still to lift a duster) I've decided Daisy will just have to follow in my footsteps instead. So today she took part in her first photo shoot in an effort to make her famous, just like me.
I'm obviously not actually that famous, because the shoot took place at our favorite downtown dog boutique, the Two Bostons. The assistant had no idea who I was but went along with it because I had a photographer in tow. (I really am going to have to have my own paparazzi team running after me if I'm ever to achieve true fame in this town).
We set up in the back corner and got to work.
I can see now it must have been a little confusing for Daisy. I was using my training clicker behind her, and our photographer was calling in front of her. Although she responds pretty well if I say "watch me", it's not much use if I'm sitting behind her and we're both meant to be looking at the camera. Technically I'm not sure if posing for photos will ever come up at our training class, certainly not before she's learned to walk more than six steps in a straight line on a leash.
After about 20 minutes we managed two shots and a puddle on the floor. (I really need to drink less before I go out).
"How about we just have her sitting on the stool?" suggested Flash.
Since Daisy can barely make it down the front door step without an elevator, it seemed like a plan. After all, Havanese have a history of being circus dogs. If the stool balancing act when well, perhaps we could try the trapeze next?
Two minutes of wobbling made me realize she was never going to make it onto American iDog, so we abandoned that idea before I could be summoned before the Humane Society.
"Maybe we need some help," said Flash. He called upon an assistant to stand behind him. After another 10 minutes of her telling Daisy how fabulous she was, the dog finally gave in and gave a couple of sneers at the camera.
You can see the results of Daisy's first brush with fame in the April edition of Glancer Magazine. Not sure she'll ever be a cover girl, but it could be something for her to get her teeth into.

Let Them Eat Pancakes

2011-03-08T09:31:00.003-06:00

I don't quite know why flour, eggs and milk mixed together should taste so good, but I've always had a thing for pancakes. Shrove Tuesday was always a big deal at home, even without celebrating Lent. My favorite tradition was watching the BBC children's TV programme Blue Peter, in which the unsuspecting latest presenter would have to make a pancake live on air!
To Americans this may sound a little flat, if you pardon the pun, but I'm not talking those spongy frisbees you eat for breakfast. Our pancakes are like small French crepes and often quite tricky to make. The challenge is to flip them over without a spatula. You shake the crepe to the edge of the pan, then with a quick flip of the wrist launch it into the air and watch it float back delicately into the center of the pan to finish cooking the other side.
Over the years I've had pancakes that fell on the cooker, pancakes that stuck to the pan and pancakes that end up looking like scrambled eggs. Note: they only stick to the ceiling in comedy shows. Some come out as large as a dinner plate, others as small as a penny. I'll tell you, it's not as easy as it looks.
When I first visited America 30 years ago, I fell in love with the International House of Pancakes. (Remember I was very young and foolish). To this day I'll never know why they are international, or why I even liked them. The pancakes are thick and floppy with no real taste, which explains why you have to slather them in butter and maple syrup. But I can't stop my affection for the place. We even went there on Sunday morning, and yes, it was just as dreadful as ever.
Today I'll be flipping my own pancakes, stacking them up with lemon and sugar to eat later on today. It's a recipe that translates easily to this side of the pond, but one thing will be missing. A family to share them with....

Royal Countdown

2011-03-03T11:28:00.003-06:00

I'm sure Americans are far more excited about the up coming Royal wedding than the British. I'm certain they all expect Kate to begin the ceremony by rolling her hair down from the top of Big Ben for Will to climb up.
The Royals thoughtfully didn't include me on their guest list, since I'm not able to travel easily out of the country for the time being and there's no point in wasting a couple of dinners.
But just in case any of you have been invited, here are some important etiquette tips.
1. Never turn your back on a member of the Royal family. If you see one always back away with your head bowed. This applies to everything, from seeing the Queen's head on stamps to the King's Head pub.
2. Always call the Queen "Marm". Sorry, you can't say "mam" in an American or Geordie accent. Practice saying 10 times daily if you plan to see her majesty (or Helen Mirren) any time soon.
3. If you do meet the Queen, do not ask her if her father did actually use four letter words in his speaking practice session with Lionel Logue.
4. When courtesying , always be demure. If you trip over your skirt or your feet you'll find yourself appointed court jester.
5. Do not buy a pair of souvenir Royal Wedding mugs as a wedding gift. They're kitchen cupboards are already full of them.

Daisy Does Downtown

2011-02-28T15:44:00.011-06:00

We've had Daisy one whole week today and much like any other Decent, she loves a spot of shopping.
Today we took her for a trip to downtown Naperville to meet some of the locals. Genevieve Towsley couldn't wait to interview for the inside poop scoop.
"I've always wanted a dog of my own, so much nicer than pigeons."
Downtown Naperville's a big place to a little dog, so it Daisy soon had to stop for directions.
"Where's Waldo?"
Suddenly it looked like rain....
"How much is that doggy in the window?"
Daisy can't resist buying herself a little treat (or two).
Of course finding somewhere for lunch can be tricky when you're dog, but this place comes highly recommended.
After a busy morning, a girl can get a bit windswept.

It's a Dog's Life

2011-02-27T16:16:00.012-06:00

Today we paid a quick visit to the International Kennel Club Dog Show in Chicago to see the shape of things to come. This lip smacking poppet is just six months older than Daisy.
Fiona shows off her latest trick - acting as a ventriloquist's dummy.

Quickly followed by an impersonation of Peg from Lady and the Tramp.
Of course as well as dogs, there was plenty to see and do. It was difficult to find something good for lunch. Not sure if this stand sold food or showed dogs dressed as gangsters.
You'd have to be hungrier than a hound to swallow this delicacy.
Not sure if these were for dogs or their owners.
McDonald's are opening up everywhere these days.....
Determined to beat the competition, Stanley hatches a cunning plan.
"Purr - lease, I'm a dog, not a plait-a-puss."

Cute Alert!

2011-02-25T14:44:00.002-06:00

So the 'other reason' for the gap in blogging is pictured here. After nearly three months of investigation and decision making the Decent family has a new member - Daisy the Havanese.
The trouble is, life's been too settled lately. We'd been back two whole days from our trip, I'm busy with my job as Features Editor of Glancer Magazine, I'm slowly progressing with another exciting project, yet I need more aggravation!
As you might imagine, its pretty tempting when I'm not potty training, feeding, crating, pulling my hair out etc to turn this entire blog over to my new furry baby.
She could be posting for me while I'm busy working telling you all about her exciting day driving me insane.
I could give you all a lick by lick account of our successes and failures at potty training, what time she went to sleep and how she pooped in her first training class. (Always nervous students us Decents).
I must say I'm shocked at just about how much attention she's stirred up on facebook. I always thought the English were a nation of dog lovers. They look Michael Vick look like the Dog Whisperer in comparison.

Sunsets and Palm Trees

2011-02-25T14:40:00.008-06:00

On second thoughts, why should my blog readers be deprived? Here you go, sunsets and palm trees....

Hawaiian Adventure

2011-02-25T14:26:00.005-06:00

Facebook fans will have seen all the classic photos of sunsets and palm trees, but that only tells half the story of our trip. It turned out to be quite an adventure. Not only was Hurley still Lost, but he invited us to play a round of golf with him.

I didn't realize Hawaii was actually the location for Jurassic Park. Worse, when we got there, there were still some stray dinosaurs!

We managed to escape unnoticed until Grumpy ran onto the set of Lost and was attacked by a smoke monster!
After wrestling him there was only one thing left to do. We locked our guide in his van and pushed him over the hillside!

Hawaii 3-0

2011-02-25T14:22:00.002-06:00

We didn't get Lost in Hawaii (well we did actually, but that's another story) so sorry if you were wondering what happened to us. Truth is we had a great time, so great I didn't get round to blogging and now we've been back a week. In that week I've been catching up with work and other things. I'll post a couple of photos next, then on to 'the other thing'.

Hawaii Bound

2011-02-09T19:18:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow we're off to celebrate our Pearl Wedding Anniversary in Pearl Harbor! We've actually been before, for our Silver Wedding Anniversary. If you want to learn more about that trip, you can see my previous (far shorter) blog, Around the World in 31 Days.
I'm only taking my iPad, so blogging may be a little trickier than usual, but I'll do my best. If not, I expect the hotel has a business center we can use, so keep checking in.

Naperville Optimism Personified!

2011-02-02T10:57:00.001-06:00

The Day That The Snow Came Down

2011-02-02T09:07:00.006-06:00

Seems the weather forecasters were right. At the moment we're in the grip of the fifth worst winter storm in Chicago history and counting!
Pleased to report all is well at the Hotel Decent. I won't be posting any of those cute ruler in snow photos I usually do - I haven't got one long enough!
Enough to say when I ventured off my front step (what front step?) this morning, the snow was up to my knees.

It's Snow Time!

2011-02-01T13:06:00.002-06:00

If the weather reports are to be believed within the next few hours we'll all be buried under an avalanche of record breaking snow fall! I suppose that will teach me to be complacent about surviving the Chicago winters with ease since we've been here. The news has been full of how to prepare and what to do. The excitement on Facebook is palpable. So while there's still a little time, here's my suggestion for surviving the snow in Naperville.

1. Climb to the very top of the Moser Tower. Not to take photos, but it will be the only way to make sure you don’t get your boots covered in snow.

2. Rush out to Jewel to arm yourself with those essentials you can’t do without. Yesterday I stocked up on pitted olives, artichokes and shampoo. Absolutely no idea why, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. I now have enough to host a Mediterranean party for 60, plus my hair will look good too!

3. Buy a new shovel. If you’re anything like me you can stack it neatly in the garage next to the other three, still unused. Boy, shoveling the white stuff is harder than it looks.

4. By a “build your own igloo” kit from Ikea. Having an igloo in your yard is a sure way to upstage your neighbors. The kit comes in white only and is called Boris.

5. Arm yourself with jumbo packs of batteries and matches. Give yourself 10 points if the batteries actually fit any of your flashlights and you can find any candles in the house which aren’t for birthday cakes.

6. Knit a blanket. It won’t be big enough to keep you warm, but it will give you something to do when you’re snowed in with no power.

7. Head for Hawaii – at least that’s what I’m planning on doing….

Dog Blog Continued

2011-02-01T13:03:00.002-06:00

This computer stuff is easier than it looks! I've even managed to upload a photo of myself. Enjoy, love and licks, Tika.
By the way I'd have had a much more comfortable night if she hadn't screamed when she woke up and saw me standing on her shoulder staring at her! Still, at least I've got them to keep me out of that crate.....

Lap Top Dog

2011-01-31T19:05:00.003-06:00

Hallo, my name is Tika. I'm a shihtzu currently staying at the Hotel Decent. I bet you're surprised I am so good at using an IPad. Well it's easy when you can use your nose to press the keys snuggled up on a fluffy throw next to a woman who is balancing it on her lap for you. I guess you could say I'm a lap top dog!
It only seems like yesterday that I moved in. In fact it was yesterday. My real mom has gone to visit her family in Tai Wan and my dad is busy at work all day, so they found this poor schmuck who couldn't say no to take me in for a week.
Actually it's going pretty well, in fact the food tastes exactly the same as I get at home and my feeding bowls seem strangely familiar. I'd swear my bed is the same too.
Last night I slept well, apart from being disturbed by snoring. I do wish they would let me sleep downstairs. I've enjoyed dragging my new hosts around in the ice and snow, even though I guess they'd rather be inside in the warm tee hee.
Of course my very favourite thing is to sit on a cozy lap, which is how I discovered this IPad thing. I heard I'm only here til Friday, but no idea what that means.

Inspiration Frustration

2011-01-29T10:26:00.003-06:00

This week I had the good fortune to meet a truly inspirational American woman - Martha Hawkins. She was the guest speaker at an Interfaith breakfast I was covering. Martha is pretty much the stereotypical Black Southern momma - she greeted me with a hug not a handshake and was as round and jolly as Santa Claus.
During her talk, Martha only hinted at her life struggles, so when I got home I downloaded her book, Finding Martha's Place. It was powerful stuff about how she rose from a life of mental illness and poverty in the Montgomery projects in Alabama to running her own restaurant. Martha grew up at the time of the Civil Rights movement, and having met her, it was amazing to see how she could have ever amounted to anything from such humble beginnings.
I couldn't put the book down. You couldn't help but feel proud for the way Black Americans have overcome their struggles to reach the point they have. At the end she referenced Barak Obama and you could feel the pride of an entire race behind him.
On an iPad you can go from one thing to another in one click. As soon as I finished reading, I looked at my e mails. Someone had sent me one of those silly things that go the rounds that I don't much care for.
I'm still shaking with anger as I write this. This time it was a selection of photos showing Michele Obama's fashion faux pas. The first picture showed a group of people at with her saying it was like the Jeffersons' had visited the White House.
In a democracy everyone is entitled to their own opinions of course. But throwing together a load of photos which include captions like saying Michele looks like a maid or will never have the class of Laura Bush is not clever or entertaining, it's puerile. Guess at the end of it all, what's important is not how people overcome adversity, it's what kind of shoes they choose to wear.

Choc Full Of Fun

2011-01-16T09:17:00.007-06:00

Warning: If you're trying to lose those Holiday pounds look away now. Here's a few up close and personal shots from yesterday's NCO Youth and Family Services Eighth Annual Chocolate Festival in Naperville.

This is what happens when you open your browser to allow cookies....
I believe if you take fruit with your chocolate cake it cancels out any calorie intake...
Goodness gracious, great balls of chocolate!
"Dad when I asked you to help me with my school project, this isn't quite what I meant."
CBS 2 investigative reporter Dave Savini with his daughter Desiree.
Local Press photographers begging for chocolate.....
That stuff just gets everywhere!

Knee Jerk

2011-01-05T16:40:00.002-06:00

I'd like to point out I didn't end up being X rayed today because of the Zumba class, although if I decide to carry on with it it might be worth taking a brain scan to see where my sanity has gone. I've had an achy knee on and off ever since I slipped on Geordy Sue's deck more than a year ago. Not that I'm still blaming her of course. Everytime I think I really must go to the doctor it gets better, but after another night of tossing and turning I thought I'd check it out.
I went along to our local Convenient Care Center which gave excellent service. In under an hour I had registered, seen a nurse, a nice looking doctor (wish I'd remembered to shave my legs), a radiologist and another nurse whose job was just to wave and say "good bye".
You know being examined and having an X ray is much more pleasant when you don't have to expose any orifices?
Good news was nothing much to worry about, just a bit of wear and tear, which is a bit of shame because I was hoping for a doctor's note about why I couldn't go to Zumba anymore.
However, as the final nurse was signing me off, she smiled.
"Have I seen you here before?" she asked.
"No," I replied. And hopefully never again.
"Oh, it's just you look familiar. And I know your name."
After I explained what I do, she realized she'd read me in the Naperville Sun and Glancer Magazine.
"Oo, I'll make sure I look out for you now," she said.
Which is all very nice, but I'm pleased I was only there for my knee and nothing more personal.....

Zumba De Doo Dah

2011-01-05T16:25:00.004-06:00

Ok, so I wasn't the oldest person in the class (but a close second) and thankfully not the largest either (again close second) but the point was me and my new sparkly shoes were there, on time and ready to spring into action.
I was at my first ever Zumba class, in a desperate attempt to at least try out all my New Year's Resolutions before the end of the month. (Not sure if enough time to lose 50lbs but we'll see). I carefully matched the shoes with black leggings which make me look like Max Wall (if you don't know who he is, then Google him alongside eccentric British music hall acts of the 20th century). My top half was covered in a black t shirt with "I am a PC" on the front, which I believe stands for Phat Cow.
It goes without saying that Elizabeth, our instructor, was young, super fit and lovely. I expect she Zumbered her way all the way to the studio.
Having had some experience of excerise classes, I know my place. Right at the back of the room. The problem with this is it's tricky to keep an eye on the instructor. If you think about it, she's the one to watch, because by the time half a dozen people line up vertically behind her, her moves are so plagiarized I'm copying a monkey with St Vitas Dance. Or I could be looking the mirror, not sure which.
I did actually make it to the end of the class, although it's amazing how slow bouncing about to Latin rhythms can be when you have a huge clock in front of you. By the end I was so good that not only was I almost following at least half of the steps, but I was doing some even before Elizabeth did, although that could just be because I was still trying to catch up from the previous routine....

If The Shoe Fits....

2011-01-03T16:48:00.003-06:00

It's January, so here we go again with my usual "how much weight can I lose, how fit can I get before I give up on February 1st"?
This time I'm taking it very seriously. On Wednesday I'm trying a new kind of exercise class - Zumba. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but it involves Latin American rhythms which I'm hoping will help me to block out the fact that I'm trying to exercise.
Today I took the first steps in the 2011 regime. At the outlet mall I chose salad for lunch, and didn't have even one of those little bits of chicken on cocktail sticks they wave at you on your way to the ladies room.
Better than that I bought this really cool pair of exercise shoes. They're so so sparkly I can imagine I'm not exercising at all, but ballroom dancing. Clever eh? Not sure what I'm going to wear with them yet. Don't think a sequined dress will be quite suitable, but I've still got a day to go to sort that one out.

Happy, Happy, Happy New Year!

2011-01-01T15:05:00.005-06:00

1,000th post on 1.1.11

Grumpy and I have never quite managed the perfect New Year's celebrations since we arrived in Naperville. Folks around here often prefer a quiet nice in. The only time I would ever opt for that was if George Clooney popped round for a cuppa, so the idea of doing so on the big party night of the year is a big "no no" for us.
We've tried everything. Going to friends, eating in a restaurant then coming home before midnight, a huge hotel party where everyone was half our age - nothing really worked.
Up until yesterday morning it looked like this year would be our worst yet. We had absolutely nothing to do at all. Then, hero that he is, Grumpy managed to squeeze us in at a local hotel. Trouble was that didn't start until 10 p.m. so we had some time to kill first. This is how it panned out, and how I was able to actually celebrate 2011 three times in one day.
9 a.m. Off to the DuPage Children's Museum for their ninth annual Bubble Bash. This is a way for families to celebrate with a fun event with a countdown to the New Year at midday. (I was actually covering this for my magazine so not quite as odd as it sounds for me to be there). I had a chance to wish our Mayor "Happy New Year" before he started the countdown. Technically it was only 11.50 a.m. but since he was 12 hours early anyway, no one seemed to mind.
4 p.m. Arrived at Quigley's, our Irish pub. They have a countdown at 6 p.m. but the place got so busy we had a quick drink and left.
5 p.m. Riverwalk. With the weather a balmy 55 degrees, we came across several people we knew. We sipped free hot chocolates and clinked little bells handed out by the Downtown Naperville Alliance.
6 p.m. Countdown no. 2 at the Carillon. This seemed slightly less odd because after all it did coincide with the English New Year and at least by now it was dark. Stumbled across Geordie Sue and her family and some other British friends. Very nice of the city to do this just for us I thought, although the idea is to make a family friendly event. Not sure the good folks of Naperville ever stay up beyond 10 p.m. even on New Years.
7 p.m. Had less than celebratory burger for dinner because all the good restaurants booked.
10 p.m. Quick change at the Lisle Hilton. At first it seemed there was only us and one other couple ready to dance the night away, but that changed when we realized all the partying was going on in another room.
12 p.m. Celebrated the New Year yet again with a few hundred of our newest 'friends'.
12 noon Enjoyed famed New Year's hotel brunch to make up for lack of dinner the night before.

999th Posting: It's a Wonderful Life

2010-12-23T16:03:00.003-06:00

Happy Christmas to all my readers (assuming there's any of you left out there). If you look carefully, you'll see it isn't Bedford Falls, but downtown Naperville. It was taken a few days ago by Glancer Magazine photographer David Neesley.
The card epitomizes Naperville. It's a typical small town much like the one featured in the Christmas classic. It's a place where miracles happen on a daily basis and no one ever falls out with anyone apart from Grumpy and me with each other. Everyone here lives happily ever after, which is what we are trying to do.
My next posting will be my 1,000th. As some of you will know I have been debating whether to continue on after that. As I've said before, I now write for a living so have other avenues in which to be heard.
Living the American Dream is just a story like any other. Like all good things it will have to come to an end sometime. Not because we will be moving away, but perhaps I won't have anything new to say. We've been round the wheel nearly four times now. Is it worth continuing the world's most public private diary? I don't know, do you?

House of Horrors

2010-12-20T12:59:00.002-06:00

It's funny how quickly you can grow to hate a house. We have a deal. I agree to keep it clean and in return our house keeps me cool in the summer and warm in the winter. Well I'm now suing for divorce. In the depth of a super cold spell, cold even for Chicago, the house let our furnace escape. Had the house left me for another younger owner I wouldn't
Have minded so much. But to leave us in the cold in bitterly cold weather is unforgivable.
Since Saturday morning our home has made Cold Comfort Farm seem like The Ritz. It doesn't help that Grumpy has been surprisingly gung ho about the whole thing.
" You're behaving like a school girl," he said as I tried to make coffee with my gloves on.
"It's not that bad," he said as I shook in front of the fire under a blanket.
Grumpy has done his best to help. He went out and spent over $100 on heaters that in an open plan house are less use than a hair dryer. I've taken to dragging round behind me like a puppy, but the only way it could keep me warm would be if I stuffed it under my sweater. In e summer I open the freezer door to cool off. Now I have to do it to keep warm!
I think the cold has gone to his brain. It certainly has to mine, This morning in my rush to prepare supper before leaving the house I smashed both potatoes and their bowl as I took out my frustrations attempting to mash them with a meat tenderizer.
I stormed out to the cinema where I saw the first movie I could find on at 10 am a psychological thriller. It was a great movie, but the cinema was still pretty cold. Still it gave me plenty of tips on how to dissect my steak when I finally return to the igloo I currently live in.
Good news is their may be a warm front tomorrow. If the new furnace doesn't turn up, I'm setting fire to the house!

Baby It's Cold Inside

2010-12-19T09:41:00.002-06:00

This weekend we have joined that elite group that we often hear about here in Naperville, those whose furnaces die in the dead of winter. So with gloved hands I type this wintry homage to Dean Martin.....

I really can’t stay
but baby it’s cold inside
Its 40 degrees
but its warmer outside
This weekend has been a total mess
Look at my hands, they’re blue with ice
My mother will start to worry
She’s never liked me, has she?
My father will be turning in his grave
Listen to the fireplace roar
I’m amazed you can hear it over my teeth chattering.
Your hot flashes are fine in the cold
But I’d rather keep them til I am old
Maybe just a half a drink more?
Of anti freeze? Ok then pour.
The neighbors might faint
(oh they know you by now)
These space heaters are great
the heat doesn’t even reach the door.
I wish I knew how,
My eyelashes are frozen now.
To break this spell
Book us into a damn hotel.
I ought to say “no, no, no sir”
Mind if I move in with a neighbor?
But the furnace will be fixed by Wednesday,
Til then its cold inside!

Triple Klutz

2010-12-15T14:42:00.002-06:00

At a party with neighbors the other day, I was horrified when they said we hadn't had a bad winter in Chicago for at least three years. That means all those springs I was congratulating myself for having survived were a joke.
This winter started right on cue early December. Technically, of course, winter doesn't begin until December 21st, but with holiday festivities in full flow, it was only fitting for Mother Nature to dump her first load of snow on us.
The snow, to be fair, hasn't been that much of a problem. It's the cold. And the ice.
Whenever it rains, which being Naperville is only between the hours of 3 a.m. and 4 a.m. every other Tuesday unless its a leap year, a pool of water collects at the end of our drive.
A sudden early deep freeze has meant we now have our own small but beautifully formed skating rink.
Our paper delivery girl seems to take great delight into throwing our newspaper directly into it's center which means if I want to retrieve it without having to going to the hospital afterward, I have to reverse out of the garage in my car, pick it up then drive back again. I know everyone uses their cars for everything in this country, but even so....
It was worse on Monday evening when I had to put out the wheelie bin (garbage can for American readers). I couldn't see the ice patch looming and completed a triple lutz as I sped to the kerb (yes, that's how we spell it in England)at breakneck speed.
Fortunately Evan Lysacek is a facebook friend so I'm going to ask him to me help out next week if he's not too busy.

Testing, Testing

2010-12-10T15:34:00.002-06:00

Well this is a first. Assuming it works this will be my first blog entry from my new iPad. I was very concerned when I first got it because
The touch screen keyboard takes some getting used to. The good thing is if you do make a mistake it will self correct. Of course if you don
T tame the time to check it you cN still end up wi a lot of gobbledegook but considdfjb my usual entries, I think regular readers won
T notice the difference.

Shopaholics Anonymous

2010-11-28T18:04:00.000-06:00

When I told Grumpy get something sweet from the store, this isn't quite what I meant!

More Thanksgiving Fun

2010-11-28T17:56:00.005-06:00

Another day, another social engagement. Here we are at Hyacinth's house. In a unique photo Abigail the human meets Abigail the dog.
"Thank you so much for coming dear, but I can't understand a word you say."
The Great Zoudini makes light work of the washing up, making the whole lot disappear sooner than you can say 'abracadabra.'

No time for slacking. Rebecca makes sure her dad practices every day.

More Midnight Madness

2010-11-26T08:04:00.006-06:00

I'm sure regular readers won't have forgotten our first dabble with midnight madness on our first Thanksgiving here. (If you have, look back to November 2007). Since then only madness we've participated in at midnight on black Friday is staying up late with a hot cocoa. But with a shopaholic daughter in town, we felt we couldn't resist. So harmed with the best advice in town (from my hairdresser, who else?) this time we decided to hit a store in a strip mall rather than the biggest outlet mall in the area. Typically the temperatures dipped to 18 degrees, which personally I think was just a marketing ploy to make everyone buy coats.
The line wasn't actually too bad, and we enjoyed chatting with others as we shook and shivered in line for a mere 45 minutes before being allowed in the store.
For a moment it seemed really exciting....until we realized the 'bargains' were pretty much the same as every other day.
Once the girls had snapped up their bargains we only had to wait in line another 45 minutes to pay.
On the way out Abi takes a moment to pose with the Old Navy celebrities - those cute mannequins they use in their TV ads. As we left, I'm sure I could hear them saying "thanks for helping our economy...."

A Family Thanksgiving

2010-11-25T20:29:00.005-06:00

This year we're having something of a family Thanksgiving for a change - our daughter Abi and her friend Marie are staying with us. Of course that doesn't actually mean I'm doing the cooking myself, if I did it wouldn't be a real American Thanksgiving now would it? Fortunately we were able to go to our good friend Rebecca of Sunnybrook Drive's home.
Unfortunately Grumpy insisted on helping. It really would have been better if he'd have kept his eyes open...
To be honest, the turkey didn't look too fresh...
but it turned out great in the end!

Status Update

2010-11-09T12:57:00.003-06:00

I read with interest this week that Her majesty, the Queen, is launching her own facebook page. I'm not quite sure how she'll control it given the fact that she always seems to wear gloves, but I bet she'll be just as addicted as the rest of us are in no time. So just for her, I'm linking this blog post on facebook to give her a helping hand.

1. Your majesty should never need to update one's status. It should simply read "better than everyone else."
2. Your majesty should not have 'friends', but 'loyal subjects'. (You can block the disloyal ones).
3. Your majesty's 'wall' should have barbed wire along the top to keep one safe, much like one around the gardens of Buckingham Palace.
4. The info page's favourite quote should be "my husband and I."
5. Work should include "having the back of one's head licked and stuck on an envelope" and "laying in wallets" although she never seems to be in the second for quite long enough.
6. 'Home page' should read 'Palace page', although admittedly this may be confusing for the poor chap who holds that job.
7. Your majesty may play Cafe World but will only use it to drink tea.
8. Your majesty should invent a new game called Commonwealth Ville of which one will be head.
9. Your majesty should try the quiz 'which queen are you most like?" but not be surprised when the result shows Queen Victoria.
10. Instead of broadcasting her Christmas message on the BBC, one should just send it as a message to all her 'subjects'.

Steve in the City

2010-11-08T10:32:00.002-06:00

Another day, another celeb. On Saturday night I was covering a fundraiser when who should I stumble across but David Eigenberg. If he looks familiar, it's because he's the actor who plays Steve on Sex and the City.
Eigenberg comes from Naperville, and still visits a couple of times a year. Of course being in Naperville, there was no talk of sex at all, but he did say how much he still likes the city!

Families protest Show-Me’s - Naperville Sun

2010-10-31T09:20:00.000-05:00

Fascinating story in the Naperville Sun. If you read it carefully you'll see some locals are protesting about a proposed restaurant coming to town. It seems to be much like Hooters or the Tilted Kilt - a place to eat where the food is the last reason people go there.
To me, this is Naperville at it's worst, but not for the reasons you might think.

“I’ve been living here for 14 years, my whole life,” said protester Emma Sliwinski. “I don’t want to see this godforsaken place loaded with drunks, drug addicts and strippers.”

I'm sorry, but just because waitresses are scantily dressed, does it really mean the place will be loaded with 'drunks, drug addicts and strippers?' Any bar is going to have the a few drunks. It's like complaining that vegetarians like to shop in Whole Foods. Drug addicts and strippers? In Naperville? She obviously doesn't know the place as well as I do, and she's lived here a lot longer.

Personally I look forward to the ribbon cutting, and I have a sneaky feeling our mayor may as well. Not sure I can see the waitresses attending Chamber of Commerce meetings, but you never know.

We already have a few places like this around the area, so I really don't see what all the fuss is about. In this economy you would think the city would be happy any restaurant wanted to bring customers in.

Either way, it's great publicity for Show-Me's and they haven't even finalized the deal yet.

Families protest Show-Me’s - Naperville Sun

Guest Blogger

2010-10-29T14:17:00.001-05:00

http://emmadecent.wordpress.com/

Our cousin Emma is currently in Ohio where she has found time to update her blog with thoughts about her visit here last weekend. Feel free to add comments to her site.

Welcome Home!

2010-10-28T22:08:00.002-05:00

The Hotel Decent opened its doors for the holiday season this evening - the Halloween holiday that is. For the fourth year Robin (formerly Orphan No.1 but I think he's forgiven us by now) arrived this time with three friends in tow. They graciously joined us for dinner, but I'd barely cleared up before a pretty girl was on the door step to whisk them off for a night on the town. And to think I thought they were visiting because they wanted to see me and Grumpy!

Poetic Licence

2010-10-25T19:39:00.002-05:00

This weekend we've played host to Grumpy's long lost cousin Emma. It turned out great. Emma's a poet so last night she introduced us to the world of the poetry slam. The Green Mill Cocktail Lounge in Uptown is world famous having started this poetry competition 25 years ago. Now there are places all over the world where aspiring poets can perform for audiences who decide how good they really are, but for Emma, this one is truly the shrine.

She'd traveled across the ocean to stand upon this stage,
A shrine to tortured poets, full of angst and full of rage.
The mood was dark and brooding as they battled with each other,
One by one they stood in line to complain about their mother.
Thirty minutes in I was prepared to slit my wrist,
When Puck-like Emma bounced on stage and delivered up a twist.
Her poems were amusing, intelligent with grace,
It soon became apparent she was the leader in this race.
And thus it was the humble Brit with a little bit of fun,
Conquered the Americans, by George sir, yes she won!
Poetry's a noble art but it can be hard to rhyme,
She's inspired me to have a go, but I just don't have the inclination.....

Rick's Girl

2010-10-21T08:58:00.004-05:00

Another day, another celebrity. Of course just because you are famous over here, it doesn't mean the whole world knows who you are. When I heard I was to meet Rick Springfield my first thought was that he was one of Dusty's brothers!

Anyhow, I've posted my story below. Whether you know who he is or not, it's always a fascinating experience when the rock world rolls into town.

RICK SPRINGFIELD Adored By 600 Naperville Fans

by Glancer Magazine on Wednesday, October 20, 2010 at 11:14pm

by Hilary Decent, Features Editor – MORE THAN 600 ADORING WOMAN WISHED they could be Rick’s girl when Jessie’s Girl legend Rick Springfield hit Naperville on Wednesday evening. The rock star and General Hospital heart throb was at Anderson’s Bookstore promoting his new autobiography, Late, Late at Night.

The evening was packed with rock and roll clichés. The woman who had her left breast tattooed with Rick’s signature. The teenager who Springfield has virtually adopted since pulling him up on stage when he was three. A film crew making a documentary about the 30 year relationship the star has maintained with his loyal mostly female fan base.

If you were asked to draw a rock star, Rick Springfield would appear on your paper. Strikingly handsome at 61, a goatee beard and for my ears alone as our photo was taken, a whispered faux English accent that reminded me of Mick Jagger.

I didn’t have time to interview him, largely because all I could think about was how jealous my facebook friends would be when they saw the photo. It’ll be a great momento, although nothing as grand as the one 41-year-old Cyndi O’Hora, an uberfan from Frankfort, Il has.

“He autographed me when I met him in Milwaukee in 2006,” she said as if she’d been blessed by the Pope. “I had it tattooed.”

Cyndi has seen Springfield countless times, including that very morning when he appeared at Barnes and Noble in Chicago.

“This is my third copy of the book. I’m crazy, nuts,” she said. “He’s always so sexy.”

14-year-old Dustin Walker was called from the back of the line to say “hi” to his mentor.

“He pulled me up on stage when I was three and we’ve been good friends ever since,” he said. “Sometimes I play lead guitar with him. I’m good friends with drummer Jack White’s son Jackson. We’re like family.”

In the middle of the chaos was a team filming Affair of the Heart, a documentary commemorating the 30th anniversary of Springfield’s breakout album Working Class Dog. Director Sylvia Caminer said shooting began in May and will continue until the end of the year. “It’s about Rick, his career and artistry and his unique and passionate exchange with his fans,” she explained.

For executive producer Melanie Lentz-Janney, the project is definitely a labor of love.

Like the other women there, she’s been a long time fan, but unlike them has landed the dream job of following him around, really getting to know him.

“He’s never really gone away that much over the years, especially to his fans,” she said. “He has such a positive influence on their lives – a real human connection. This is more than a rockumentary. We want people to know he’s about more than just Jessie’s Girl.”

www.rickspringfielddoc.com.

Photo courtesy of Steve Vukosovic for Glancer Magazine.

Hold The Front Page: Raquel Welch Named As Other Woman In Decent Divorce!

2010-10-16T22:23:00.006-05:00

Photo: Steve Vukasovic, Glancer Magazine

No, this isn't us at the waxwork museum - Grumpy and I really did get to meet Raquel Welch today. (See previous post).
Not only that, but we were the only people she posed with. Everyone else had to sneak one in during a busy book signing. Nothing beats having your own personal Press photographer.
The really funny thing was that Grumpy wasn't even going to attend the event, but when my new editor said it would be fun to get a photo of the three of us we couldn't resist. If nothing else, it's the only time in his life that Grumpy could say he was late for an appointment because he had a date with Raquel Welch!

Friends With The Famous

2010-10-16T14:27:00.003-05:00

One of the perks of my new role as arts and entertainments correspondent for Glancer Magazine is that I'm going to meet a lot more celebrities. Today Grumpy and I met the still serenely fabulous Hollywood icon Raquel Welch.
"Look, I'm still skinny enough to hide behind this microphone..."
It's amazing. Ms Welch is 70 years old. Which means I still have 17 more years to get to look like her.
Raquel and Mayor Pradel swap autograph books. We have our celebrities here too, you know...

(I'll post the real story behind this photo once Glancer Magazine has used it).

As The World Turns

2010-10-15T15:58:00.002-05:00

It never ceases to amaze me how much my life is like a soap opera sometimes - now I have the proof. Next weekend the Hotel Decent will be open for business again, welcoming Grumpy's long lost cousin Emma. Like many people I stumble across these days, Emma popped out of facebook a few months ago. She was part of the family that Grumpy didn't know much about. Considering what some of the ones I do know about are like, this could either be a blessing in disguise or proof there is a God after all.
Like me Emma also writes, so the good news I don't have to say anything more about her. It's all here on her blog which she started just before setting out on a trip around the world following her late father's footsteps in a voyage of discovery.
http://emmadecent.wordpress.com
Emma will be with us for a glimpse of small town America. She's landed right slap bang in the middle of all our Halloween festivities so she'll probably think we're nuts. I've lived here long enough to have a pretty good grip on small town suburbia so to start off I hope to take her to visit a distribution at Loaves and Fishes Food Pantry, followed by a fashion show at White Eagle Golf Club. A matter of going from the sublime to the ridiculous....

Naperville Sun Last Word

2010-10-09T22:38:00.003-05:00

Here's my last story for the Naperville Sun. It's ironic that it's about Naperville Rotary Club. I only joined for the contacts it would give me, but now find its become a source of great joy and increasing fellowship. By the way, for local blog readers, the article is about our main fundraiser of the year, so I do hope you can come and join us.
http://napervillesun.suntimes.com/lifestyles/1897542-423/rotary-president-soup-auction-club.html

As My Time At The Sun Sets.....

2010-10-09T07:03:00.005-05:00

I only worked at the Naperville Sun for three years, but I'm a sentimental old fool so here are my top five highlights.
8. Getting the only interview with Mayor Pradel and his highly reclusive wife on their 50th wedding anniversary.
7. Introducing myself as Hilary Decent of the Naperville Sun.
6. Digging out hidden stories at all the local festivals.
5. Meeting Dick Tracy author and artist Dick Locher, a true gentle man.
4.The issue when they introduced me by putting my photo with a banner across the top of the front page.
3. Getting the opportunity to contribute to their opinion columns, particularly the one explaining my situation with the whole Green Card issue. That's the power of the Press for you.
2. All my Naperville Women columns. The column was my idea and I have loved meeting and highlighting the fascinating women who call Naperville home.
1. Evan Lysacek. I loved following him for the paper on Dancing With The Stars, but I doubt I'll ever have a day in my career to beat Evan Lysacek Day when he came home to a hero's welcome after winning a gold medal at the Winter Olympics. You might recall I spent an entire day following him around on a press coach filing one story after another as the day progressed. Nothing beats the excitement of working on tight deadlines knowing your work will appear instantly in the news, and I couldn't have been more excited if I had won the medal myself.

Immediate Release

2010-10-09T06:40:00.003-05:00

I'm unceasingly astonished at how my story is unfolding here. Yesterday I discovered where my career path has been leading. I've been freelancing since I arrived, but more by necessity than desire. All I ever wanted was a regular job in one place, but I wanted it on my terms which is why I never did get round to applying for that job as a shelf filler in Jewel. It's not that there's anything wrong with that kind of work, but with my experience I thought I'd feel really bad when I was rejected.
Anyhow, after appearing in every publication in town, it seems my destiny lies with Glancer Magazine. I hadn't been here long before I wrote to the editor, but never heard from her. It was only when my Grumpy stories were ejected from the Naperville Sun that I thought a magazine would be the perfect place for them.
Ironically I lost work for another local magazine by doing this and Grumpy was really grumpy as he kept pointing out the stupidity of going somewhere that actually paid less.
After all my recent adventures with Patch.Com I really was starting to feel that whichever route I chose was the wrong one. If it were actually easy to get that job at Jewel I was a hair's breathe from giving up on my dream of making a career out of writing.
But as usual it's always darkest before the dawn. As of yesterday I am now the features editor of Glancer Magazine and will work exclusively for them. They have two titles in the Chicago area with another one launching in January. I'm still working part time, but that could change eventually.
The good news is that it means plenty more writing. I'm moving away from news into the world of women's magazines. I'll really miss working for the Naperville Sun, but I realize I've been living in the past. I was always on the outside there and the reason I loved it so much was because as a 75 year old paper I felt I was becoming part of the city's history. It was old Naperville, a place I can never get enough of.
But you can't live in the past. Personally I had no real future with the paper. I was only ever going to freelance as and when. Now I have a shot at a more steady position where I can my talents and learn more. It also means I've re invented myself more times than Doctor Who, but hey, you've got to survive somehow.

Some Liked It Hot

2010-09-30T08:18:00.003-05:00

Today I'm reposting an entry from March 22nd, 2009. I've never done this before, but it's in memorial to Tony Curtis, one of my all time favourite actors who died yesterday evening.

Friday we joined Spike and Divine for an evening of Hollywood glamour (or so I hoped). Hollywood Boulevard cinema in Woodridge was holding one of its celebrity events - Tony Curtis was in town for a screening of Some Like It Hot.
We arrived at 8 p.m. for a 9 p.m. screening of one of my favourite films. We decided not to pay $40 (!) for a signed autobiography, but waited patiently while we watched the line crawl by.
Just after nine we were told the showing would be a little late, and we ushered into another part of the cinema to wait. And wait.

"Are you sure this is worth it?" moaned Grumpy. "It's not like we haven't seen the film on TV a hundred times."
"But Tony's going to speak to the audience first," I said. "I've always like him." (Course I liked him slightly more when he was a drop dead gorgeous 30 year old rather than an about to drop dead 83-year-old in a wheelchair, but we all get older, I guess).
As the hours ticked by, Grumpy became more and more ticked off. The area we were waiting in was like some sort of sweaty holding bay, and quite a few of us definitely didn't like it so hot.
Eventually we got in at 10.40 p.m., way past Tony's bedtime I would have thought. However, you had to be impressed when he finally entered the auditorium, like Rocky after his final fight. The audience rose to their feet and he stopped and hugged fans. Not having any real royalty in this country, Hollywood stars are still the nearest they have and it was very touching to see. We've been to many book signings since we've been in the U.S, and usually the stars or authors will dash off a signature with all the warmth of someone writing a laundry list, so it was kind of gratifying to see how much time Tony had for the 600 or so people waiting in line.

No Yolk, George Is At It Again

2010-09-29T13:40:00.002-05:00

Back in April I wrote about a local sports trainer and ex marine who was attempting the Guinness World Record in endurance spin cycling, George Hood. Hood fell short of his goal then, but he is a supreme example in two things: One, never giving up on your goals, and two, not caring if people think you're a little crazy.
This morning at 6 a.m. Hood was back in the saddle. This time attempting to complete a 60 hour training ride to raise money for a fallen soldier's family. He's really doing two things at once here, raising money while practicing for his next world record attempt at the end of October.
I popped in to see George this morning, to be greeted by the same mix of wonderment and insanity. Last time his attempt was in a huge empty store. This time he's peddling away for all he is worth at the back of one of my favorite local breakfast restaurants, the Eggsperience Cafe, Naperville.
Imagine the scene. The restaurant is busy with customers all chatting away enjoying their food. In the back corner, just in front of the toilets, there's a 52-year-old man peddling away on a spin cycle. It has to be one of the most bizarre things I've ever seen. No one was even looking at him.
Hood, who is nearly as shameless a publicity seeker as I am, was thrilled to see I'd managed to get a piece about his latest ride in today's Naperville Sun. (See photo)
He told me he had learned a lot from his previous failure. There was just too much going on around him at the time and he couldn't stay focused. It was a bit of a three ring circus, so this time things are certainly quieter especially once the breakfast rush is over.
All being well, Hood will be pedaling away until Friday evening when the ride will be marked with a fundraiser reception at the cafe. I really can't work out the pull that draws me to this strange man. While I was there his support was a single woman who had met him on his previous crusade. She couldn't have been more caring than if she was a nursing him through his final hours.
I'd recommend anyone in the area pops in to say "hi" over the next couple of days and cheer him on. If nothing else, you can be assured of a good meal.

Election Selection

2010-09-19T17:47:00.003-05:00

Much like road construction, political campaigns seem to be an almost permanent fix here in Chicagoland. The TV is full of ads where politicians never tell viewers their policies, but simply trash the opposition. Of course here in sunny Naperville, politicians would never stoop so low. Our beloved mayor, George Pradel is hoping to win his fifth term here. He's been mayor for 17 years, but I suppose it's never a given that he will win. (Although I wouldn't be prepare to lay any bets against him). His main opponent this time will be one of our esteemed Naperville councilmen Kenn Miller. Just in case he needs it, here's a free ad for him to use against our beloved mayor, dishing all the dirt Naperville can handle.

"Are you ready for 4 more years, Naperville? Four more years of the same honesty, goodwill and care? Do you really want the man who has done more for this city than any other person alive to get in again? No you don't, and I'll tell you why. We do not want a man who stops and talks to everyone he meets. And smiling? I'll give you smiling! How can you vote for a man who can address crowds of thousands without a microphone? How can you vote for the man who not only plays Santa Claus, but rumor has it actually IS Santa Claus? This is a man who thinks more about others than himself, and I for one don't like it, although to be honest, I'm not sure why.
I'm Kenn Miller and endorse this message."

And because politics is always fair and honest in this neck of the woods, here's one Mr Pradel can use against Councilman Miller.

"Good morning Naperville! Welcome to our wonderful city, it's great to see you all here today. Sorry, wrong speech. Here's why you shouldn't vote for Kenn Miller. First of all he claims he's a famous band leader, yet I've never heard him play a note! He's done some pretty dishonest things I can tell you. Once he tipped 19% instead of 20% in a restaurant. I know, shocking! Quite frankly I think you shouldn't even think of voting for him. Just a minute, that's not very friendly, so scrap that. Vote for Kenn. He Kenn do it! I'm George Pradel and I endorse this message."

As One Door Opens - It Closes

2010-09-14T19:08:00.002-05:00

Since I've made such a fuss on here about my new gig, I thought I'd better mention that it's over almost before it began. I always thought if you were a freelancer it meant you could work anywhere that would have you. Not so. Today I was forced to make a choice between my new job and my old one so no more Patch work for me.
The reason I'm staying with the Sun Times group is largely sentimental. They've provided me with work since I arrived in Naperville and any fame, for want of a better word, I've had because of them. They are pivotal in my story, however that ends up.
I'm not sure why I'm on this relentless quest to make a career out of writing. God knows its not for the money. I can have fame doing this or fortune doing something else, but not both. I think the reason is probably this. Much as I love Naperville, its a town of winners and high achievers. No one is ordinary here - the birds sing opera, the garbage men have to speak at least five languages and every child receives Mensa membership with their birth certificate.
I've torn my family apart by following the American Dream, so it would be pointless if I had come here just to be ordinary. Writing is the only thing that makes me extra ordinary and now I'm in the hamster wheel I can't get off.
So for now I'm back to square one writing news for the Sun, Grumpy for Glancer Magazine and this blog for you.

Patch Work

2010-09-07T20:46:00.004-05:00

This evening I'm delighted to announce the launch of a brand new local publication
www.naperville.patch.com The reason I'm so excited is because for the first time since I arrived in this city, I've been offered a position without having to beg for a chance over and over again.
Naperville Patch is part of Patch.Com, AOL's new revolution in local news. More than just a newspaper, it's also a local directory, a place where anyone can post events, but also a place for experienced writers, and some trainees being given their first shot. It goes live tomorrow (Wednesday) at 6 a.m.
After three and a half years of writing here I've amassed several volumes of cuttings and I must admit I'll always prefer to hold a newspaper or magazine in my hand. But I know the writing is no longer on the paper, it's on the wall. In years to come my cuttings books will be on a museum shelf because the Internet is the way forward. Ironically my main publication, the Naperville Sun, has also just announced a new e version.
Despite that, the benefits of being on line are numerous. Stories will be splattered with hyperlinks to give you more background information than you could wish for. As well as photographs which change as you run your cursor over them, they'll also be videos.
And the best thing of all is that as far as Patch is concerned, it's all absolutely free.
Of course as I get more work I have to keep diversifying. No one wants to read the same story in every publication, and certainly no editor wants to pay for something someone else is using.
So, in addition to writing Naperville Women, news and opinion pieces for the Naperville Sun and Funny Side Up and Happy With Grumpy for Glancer Magazine, I'm delighted to say I'm going to be the arts, entertainment and event correspondent for Patch.
So blog readers, you know the drill. If you enjoy what I write, please visit me at Patch and leave a comment. The site is very interactive and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll be able to have a spin off from my blog on there very soon.

Fun at the Fling

2010-09-04T09:14:00.002-05:00

Looking back at the blog, I see I was less than complementary about the Last Fling when we first arrived in Naperville. I was dismayed to see my new hometown overrun by strangers. One year we even left town to avoid it!
What a difference a few years makes. This is now our fourth Fling, and co-incidentally the 30th run by the Naperville Jaycees. How do I know this, well now I'm right in the thick of it. The visitors are no longer strangers. I know half the people there, well six anyhow, because I'm covering the event for the local press. Who knew it was so interesting? Do you know bed races and spaghetti eating contests didn't die out in the 1950s? They're alive and well and living right here in Naperville.
If I meet out of towners I'm so proud to say I live here, but I haven't got too much time to chat because I'm hob nobbing with the mayor (if only I had packet with me British readers) or mixing with my media colleagues.
I've some new excitement in my career to announce this week, which should be of particular interest to my blog followers so watch this space.
But if you're looking for news on the Last Fling, you'll have to read me in the Naperville Sun.

Entertainment Weakly

2010-08-26T21:34:00.003-05:00

After more than three years of learning to play the Naperville networking game, suddenly I'm flavour of the month. In the past week I've landed two new contracts and am now treading the tricky line of covering the same events in different ways for different publications. I'm now specializing in entertainment as well as women, humour and general reporting, which means I'm finally back doing what I did in England when I started my journalism career, only now I seem to be a photographer too.
Which explains why this evening I found myself hanging around outside a house near Naperville station watching a movie being made. Shakey is the first 3D comedy about a dog who gets into trouble when his owners move into an apartment.
I've already interviewed the producers, but tonight was my only chance to talk to the actors. The one I was really after was Steve Guttenberg of Police Academy fame. When I got to the house it was still sunny so I happily sat outside to wait for a break in filming. The crew were hard at work in the back yard while I waited..and waited.
After two and a half hours I had interviewed the child star, her young co-star, the owner of the house and the dog. As it got dark I crept into the back yard where the film crew were setting up. No sign of Steve anywhere.
It got colder. Mosquitoes started munching on my feet. Not only was this irritating, but at
8.30 p.m. they'd had more to eat than I had.
But I was in a dilemma. When I did this job as a 20-year-0ld I was so shy and star struck I would have happily run off and lied to my editor that I couldn't get the interview. To be fair, I hadn't even seen Steve, and started to wonder if he was there at all.
Eventually I gave up and was heading towards my car when one of the crew asked me if I'd seen him yet. When I said I hadn't, she said that was because while I was at the back of the house, he was at the front! She thought he might be in his trailer....He wasn't.
Finally he was pointed out to me in the hospitality tent. It was so dark I had to ask him to stand by a citronella candle so I could see to write. Not quite Jay Leno.
In the end I got what I needed. He was very sweet, but you can never tell what these people will decide to talk about. He talked in depth about the recession, wondering if I thought it would ever end, followed by a poem about dog owners meeting their dead dogs when they reach heaven.
Still, I felt my 53-year-old self had finally exonerated her 20-year-old self and the only star I was struck by was by the one glittering away in the clear night sky.

Mission Possible

2010-08-25T17:22:00.007-05:00

Here we are at the Alamo. Couldn't see John Wayne anywhere, but plenty of tourists.
After hearing the real story of the tragedy here, it was good to see a Texan flag flying.

Not sure if they meant before buying or ever...
This is where Davy Crockett stayed on his way to the Alamo...
Which was easy to find because it was clearly marked right on the other side of the road.

King of the Wild Frontier

2010-08-21T15:49:00.000-05:00

Grumpy Crockett climbed off his horse at the gates to the old Texan mission.
"Thank goodness for that," he said dusting off his chaps, who wasted no time in high tailing it back to England. "I've been riding for days and it's about time I ungraded to something with a little more horse power. This must be place to rent a car, it says Alamo at the gate."
"No cars here, we've been under siege for days," said a tired looking man wielding a knife. "But you can come in and join our ranks if you like. We need as many soldiers as possible to rally against the Mexican dictator Santa Clausa."
"Ok, as long as you don't point that thing at me," said Grumpy, eying the knife. "My name's Crockett, Grumpy Crockett." He put out his hand for the man to shake.
"Pleased to meet you, I'm Jim Bowie, you may have heard of me, I invented the Bowie knife," he said.
"Nope, never heard of you," Grumpy confessed, "but I have several of your brother David's albums."
"Come in, come in, the canons will start firing again in a minute and I don't want to scare your cat," said Bowie.
"Cat?" said Grumpy. "I don't have a cat."
"There, on your head," replied Bowie. "That furry thing with a long tail......"

The Teeth At Night Aren't Big And Bright Deep In The Heart Of Texas

2010-08-21T07:19:00.003-05:00

I started to brush my teeth before going to bed last night. Now before you think I've accidentally posted by Facebook update here, let me continue. I always take those tiny tubes of paste with me, and tend to buy the first one I find, not necessarily my usual brand.
"Ugh, this one is awful," I said to Grumpy, spitting it out. "It's like antiseptic."
He looked at the tube.
"That's because it's the cream for mosquito bites," he said.
My teeth may not have been any cleaner afterwards, but they haven't itched since.....

Sweet Dreams

2010-08-21T06:36:00.002-05:00

I've slept in hotels where they left mints on the pillow, made swans out of towels and even covered the entire bed in rose petals, but I've never seen anything like this. Last night we returned to our room to find a tiny box and a little card. If you read it, you'll see tiny objects are worry dolls, which you're meant to put under your pillow to take your worries away. This would have been absolutely charming, if I wasn't tossing and turning all night worried I'd wake up with one stuck in my ear.....
Mind you, I think I have solved the Internet worry. Much quicker if you use it at a quiet time, which is why I'm writing this at 6.30 a.m.!

A River Runs Through It

2010-08-20T16:59:00.005-05:00

A quick two hour plane ride later and here we are in sweltering San Antonio. This is the River walk that our Naperville version is based on, and very nice it is too. We braved the 102 degree temperatures to take a gentle ride along it before heading inside for the nearest pitcher of iced tea!

(Often when I'm away, it takes longer to upload photos so this is just a short selection to get started. If I'm not careful I'll end up spending the entire time in our hotel room uploading!)

Deep In The Heart Of Texas

2010-08-19T16:16:00.002-05:00

It's holiday time again! Tomorrow we're off on another trip. Since my little travelogues came up high in the ratings of those of you good enough to tell me what you wanted from this blog, I'll invoice you when I get back!
Not content with the hottest summer in 30 years, we're taking a break from the heat to go somewhere hot - San Antonio, Texas! It's the 29th state on my quest to visit each and every one in the U.S.
Watch out for more puns ( remember, even they're going to be bigger and better in Texas), plenty of photos and lots of fun with me and Grumpy.
If there's any challenges you'd like to set us while we're away, or any suggestions of where we should go feel free to leave a comment.

Mayor's Golden Wedding: Hold the 18th Page

2010-08-19T16:09:00.003-05:00

Sometimes it's just good to back to basics. As a cub reporter I was often given the task of writing Golden Wedding reports. I'd go round to old people's houses, sip tea and nibble Rich Tea biscuits while they told me their life stories. Every story would end with the question: "What is your recipe for a happy marriage?" and would end with the answer: "Give and take."
Yesterday, some 30 years later, I found myself doing the exact same task. Of course now the people don't seem quite so old or quite so ordinary. I finally got the scoop I'd been waiting for since I got here - I got to interview Mayor Pradel and more importantly his somewhat reclusive wife Pat.
To find out what they said you'll have to get tomorrow's Naperville Sun, or look it up on their website. It wasn't the most difficult story I've ever written, or necessarily the best. But as someone keen to delve into the underbelly of Naperville society, I can't think of anything more perfect.

He..e..r..e's Roddy! It's The Blago Show

2010-08-17T19:46:00.004-05:00

Once upon a time there was a man called Blago who sold seats even though he didn't own a furniture store. As a result he was arrested and made to stand trial in Chicago. The trial went on for many weeks. The jury had such a good time they didn't want it to end, so they spent weeks deliberating to keep from returning to work.
The jury eventually decided that Blago was only guilty of half of one of the 24 counts against him. They told the judge and were allowed to go home.
Blago was delighted with the result. He decided it meant he was a hero! He didn't understand that guilty meant he had done something wrong and that he may have to go to prison. Even though he was convicted of the same crime that put Martha Stewart in prison, he thought she was only there to decorate the cells and bake cup cakes.
Blago's men, Sam Adam and his imaginatively named son Sam, spent the trial attending acting classes. Guessing they might lose the case, they decided if they performed well enough they would get their own reality show, The Adam Family: Law and Disorder.
The good news is that because the jury couldn't make up their minds, the whole trial will have to start again. This time all the jurors will come from Madagascar, the only place in the world not to have heard about the case, which is the only way Blago will get a fair trial.

Eat, Pray, Don't Bother: Part Three

2010-08-17T11:25:00.002-05:00

Don't Bother
The sultry breeze, soft music and spicy smells meant just one thing. Hilary Gilbert found herself in Indian Harvest restaurant. (Of course technically she still hadn't 'found herself' at all, but you know what I mean).
She sat down a table opposite a short bald man with a toothless grin.
"Hallo Mayor Patel," she said. "Do you remember I came to see you years ago and you gave me this strange picture?"
She held out a piece of crumpled paper. Mayor Patel took it and turned it round the other way.
"I'm afraid I have no idea who you are, but this paper is one of my columns from the Naperville Sun."
"I am traveling the world trying to find myself," Hilary said. "Do you think I can find myself here in Naperville? Do you think I can find...er..love?"
"Well not from me you can't," laughed yogi mayor. (Think about it) "I've been married for 50 years to my lovely wife Pat. You'll be able to read all about it in Friday's edition of the Naperville Sun."
"Fifty years? Wow. In February I will have been married for 30 years and there are days when I'm not sure I'll make it that far!"
Leaving the restaurant Hilary got on her bicycle and rode off down the road. She was suddenly struck by a passing motorist.
"What do you think you're doing? I told you not to go out without the training wheels on!"
The grouchy voice could mean only one thing. It was her husband Grumpy.
"Look what you've done to my new car! I've only had it a week, now I'll have to go and buy another one," he said.

Eat, Pray, Don't Bother: Part Two

2010-08-16T21:09:00.002-05:00

Pray
Hilary Gilbert entered the sanctuary. It was filled with people wearing little skullcaps and prayer shawls. It could mean only one thing. That she was inside Congregation Beth Shalom, Naperville.
She picked up a prayer book and looked at the text. It meant nothing to her. Even the English was written with weird American spellings. What was this strange world she had come to?
Nervous, she pushed her way through to the middle of the room and sat down. A grey haired man with a beard smiled at her
"Are you James Taylor?" she asked.
"Don't be silly, I'm the rabbi here," he replied.
"I've come here to find myself," Hilary said. "I want to immerse myself in your culture and find inner peace."
A jolly curly haired woman came up beside her. She was playing a guitar and smiling broadly.
"Our cantor will be able to help you," said the Rabbi. "She helps us all find peace with her beautiful voice. Trouble is she's taken a vow of silence for a week so you'll have to wait, but in the meantime you can use our meditation room. It's down the corridor."
Hilary walked through the two sets of double doors and made her way into a little room. She stayed there for many days, struggling to clear her head and find her inner self. Finally she cleared her mind of all thoughts and the light rushed in.
"There's my coat, I was wondering where I left it," said Cantor Hasha rummaging through the rails. "My goodness, what are you doing in here?"
"I thought this was the meditation room," said Hilary sheepishly.
Cantor Hasha laughed. "You do need to find yourself," she said. "You've been sitting in the coat closet all week."

Eat, Pray, Don't Bother: Episode One

2010-08-16T08:08:00.003-05:00

With no apologies to this weekend's super hyped movie, Eat, Pray, Love....

Hilary Gilbert needed to find herself. She'd looked everywhere - under the bed, in the closet, up the chimney. If she'd have realized what lay ahead of her she'd have just looked in the bloody mirror like everyone else, but who thinks of that when they're stressed? There was nothing else for it, she decided to make a life changing journey...

Part One: EAT
Without the need for a plane, boat or Greyhound bus, Hilary finds herself in Naperville. She's astonished by the beauty that surrounds her, but she needs more than that. She's looking for food to feed her soul. Fortunately there are many accommodating eateries in downtown Naperville. She sits on a stone bench eating Belgian chocolate ice-cream, waving to the guys cycling by on their pedicabs. At Lou Malnati's she slurps on spaghetti.
"I really should have done that the other way round," she concludes.
"What a wonderous place this is. Not only do they have all the carbs I could ever wish for, but a dry cleaners to get the stains out of my white blouse."

Indian Summer

2010-08-15T13:42:00.014-05:00

Quite frankly I'm getting a little worried about the assignments I'm being sent on lately. Last month it was celebrations to celebrate America's independence from the British, today it's a story about Indian Independence Day. Do you think my editor may be trying to tell me something?
Here in Naperville the Indian population is far smaller than in London, so watching their celebrations today almost made me feel homesick. When I worked in schools the children were always putting on shows of Indian dancing, so it was actually very nice to see the same thing on this side of the Atlantic. With most of these Indians American citizens, it's important for them to make their children aware of their roots.

Mayor Pradel became honorary Mayor Patel for a day as he helped raise the Indian flag outside City Hall.

"I know it's hot, but you'll be able to fan yourself if you hold them like that."
One little girl rehearses for Wheel of Fortune.
"Anyone fancy going for a curry afterwards?"
"Over here!"
These young dancers went through hoops to put on a good show for the crowd.
"Our flag waving is better than your flag waving."
Time for a patriotic song...
Miss India contestants seem to get younger and younger.
"This is how you do it."
One little girl looks forward to Australia Day.

Reasons Why I Have Not Posted For A While

2010-08-11T13:54:00.003-05:00

1. I'm on the jury for the Rod Blagojevitch trial and am not allowed to use a computer.
2. It's so hot when I try to type my fingers stick to the keys.
3. I've been too busy applying insect repellent.
4. I've been too busy applying bite cream to the bits that I missed with the repellent.
5. I've been Halloween shopping, after all the stuff is already in the stores. Next week Christmas.

Art's Their Craft

2010-07-29T07:56:00.010-05:00

When we first arrived in Naperville I would spend my time walking around downtown enjoying the art works on display. What I didn't know then was that they were part of the Century Art Walk, an ambitious project which initially told the history of the town. What I also didn't know was that a couple of years later I would know the President of the entire venture, Brand Bobosky and several board members. Nor did I know that I would get to know Jini Leeds Clare who has just written a book about the first 36 pieces.
Last night we went along to NCC's Wentz Concert Hall to celebrate the launch of the book. Eighteen of the artists were present and everyone there scuttled from one table to another getting the appropriate pages of their books signed. It reminded me of a parent teacher evening, or an attempt to break the world record in how many times you could have one book signed by different people.
Another difference between now and if I had attended such an event early on in our time here was that I knew so many people, on both sides of the book signing tables.
Here's Jini Leeds Clare signing my book. Interestingly it comes in three color choices, but it wasn't hard to choose when one of them is my favourite colour.
Christine Rojek is responsible for Parting the Prairie, the fun piece outside the DuPage Children's Museum.
Marianne Lisson Kuhn, the local artist who specializes in tiny details, has produced two of the city's murals.
Always a pleasure to catch up with Dick Locher. His statue of Dick Tracy was up to his knees in water recently due to flooding, but he assures me he can take it. Mr Locher is a true gentlemen and has to be my most favourite interviewee to date.

Another of my favourite statues is of Genevieve Towsley, who sits outside Barnes and Noble. She was well loved in town as a Naperville Sun columnist many years ago. Here I am with sculptress Pam Carpenter. She told me Genevieve originally wore glasses, but they were taken by cheeky kids and she never replaced them in case taking them became a local sport! All I can say is I hope she can still read the notebook she carries without them....
Don't worry if you didn't get to the book signing last night. Century Walk: Art Imitating History is on sale at Anderson's book store and the Naper Settlement.

Moving Forward

2010-07-28T15:35:00.003-05:00

Thank you to all of you who have made some suggestions over the past few days. I've sifted through and this is what I think I should do if I want to keep everyone happy:

I will plaster every post on my facebook friends’ walls so they don’t have to make that extra click to read them.
I’ll go on more trips dressed as a witch. BTW for those of you interested in my travel writing, don't forget my previous blog Around the World in 31 Days is still out there.
I’ll compile another adventure series in which Rod Blagojevich joins Lindsay Lohan in prison where they spend an entire year cooking recipes from Julia Childs’ cookbook.
I’ll then print the stories off and read them to 6^th graders as punishment for not doing their homework.
I’ll turn the whole thing into an online magazine with a photo of Grumpy in his pyjamas on the front cover, only he doesn’t wear them….
I’ll open a chat room where you can all say how wonderful I am.
Sorry, but I can’t discuss my walk across England, because this is living the American Dream, silly.

Keep the ideas coming and I will work on a new way forward. In the meantime, only 44 posts til the big 1,000.

Tied To His Desk!

2010-07-27T13:16:00.002-05:00

In an old tradition, Grumpy's colleagues sabotaged his desk for his birthday....
..but made up for it by providing him with a great lunch and another birthday cake.
What I want to know is this..how come his co-workers have beautiful photos of their wives and children on display in their cubicles, while Grumpy has one of me dressed as a witch?!

Over To You

2010-07-27T10:00:00.003-05:00

Following yesterday's posting I was delighted to see my handful of regular readers have come out in support of my continuing the blog. But I'm afraid that's not good enough. Here's what I'd like you, and any one else stumbling over me on the Internet to do. Please leave a comment about how you'd like to see the blog continuing. I want to make it more interactive. Tell me what you like about it and what else you'd like to see. Would you like me to expand what I write to life beyond Naperville (is there such a thing?) Do you want more photos? Video clips? Huge prizes for loyal readers (that's a joke, so don't bother. I may not be too proud to grovel, but I'm not bribing people to read it!) Is there anyone out there who doesn't live in the U.S? Why do you check in? What would make you check in more?
I'll read all your comments, then with your permission compile a posting of your ideas (with full colour photos of you if that's what it takes) and we'll see what happens.

The Writing's on the Wall..

2010-07-26T17:46:00.003-05:00

Regular readers may have noticed I've been blogging less often recently. If you haven't noticed its because you're not a regular reader and that brings me to my first point. After more than three years I'm getting far less readers and I think I've identified a few reasons why.
1. The novelty (for you, not me) has worn off. Initially I started this blog to keep in touch with friends and family around the world. We're now becoming so removed that I don't think they feel the need to check in so often. Although to those of us who live here, Naperville's a great place, it's hardly the center of the universe to outsiders.
2. The blog then took on a life of its own. Naperville turned into an almost mythical place. I turned everyone I met into a 'character' to preserve their anonymity to some extend and to protect me from law suits. I felt almost like a puppet master and took great pleasure at looking at mid Western suburbia from a unique view point...but..
3. I then started to become known in town myself. Initially I blogged because as a writer I have an insatiable urge to be heard. I write for local publications and consequently started to mix with Naperville's movers and shakers. I have quite a few fans and although I may get less readers here than I would like, it's public so I never know who will check it out. So far it's all been great feedback, but the more entrenched I become the more concerned I am about upsetting someone. For that reason I've imposed a censorship on myself that would infuriate me if an editor did it.
4. And that really is the main point. I'm no longer an outsider. At this year's barbecue guests included councilmen, the executive director of the library, a former Rotarian president and representatives of the local food pantry. Grumpy and I are pillars of the community. We've been embraced like long lost children and taken under the town's wings because we've learnt the rules. Naperville society works like this. You help other people and they will help you. If I want to fill our yard with guests because I get lonely and want Grumpy to enjoy the barbecue tradition he started some 20 years ago, I have to do more than just ask people to come over. Help others by doing something like holding a mini food drive and they'll come flocking, so everyone wins.
Of course the blog has had unexpected bonuses. It brought over a complete stranger from Dubai with her family who has now become a close friend and who is also enjoying the American Dream.
I had intended to keep blogging until our green card arrived, which at the way its going will be sometime in 2050! If nothing else its a way of diary keeping material for the book I'll start when my work permit is no longer renewable in January 2012. That's when my local fame will be over and I'll have to resort to other methods to be heard because I won't be allowed to write for a living.
So the countdown is on. I have about 50 entries before I get to my 1,000th, which seems like a good place to stop. After that, you'll have to find me on facebook or hopefully on the shelves of a bookshop.

Birthday Bash

2010-07-26T17:40:00.004-05:00

So hopefully you've seen just a few of the photos from this year's party for Grumpy's birthday. If you're really interested you can look back to July from our previous year's here and see how the party has grown. This year we had 135 people and fulfilled a dream by having the Mayor attend. We had a new live band and a magician. We asked all our guests to bring donations of food to Loaves and Fishes, our local food pantry and gave a staggering 763 lbs of food.

Birthday Barbecue Photos

2010-07-26T17:16:00.015-05:00

Here we are with our guest of honour, Naperville's Mayor George Pradel.

Spike may not be too handy as a baker, but he can sure come up with a great photo for Grumpy's birthday cake every year. Here he is as a Blackhawks team member with the Stanley Cup.
Having forgotten to invite any fire fighters, so we decided to ditch the other 50 candles.....
Some like it hot...and for once even Grumpy was happy, but you can't keep a good dwarf down.
When you have 135 guests, you need a little food to keep them going.

This year's band - 2 Groove.
The party went on for so long, some people decided to camp out.
Donna Dreizdic, executive director of Naperville libraries, is delighted not to be 'shushed' for once.
Celebrating their first anniversary in Naperville, Geordie Sue and the family.
Ding, ding - it's Naperville Trolley chick Annette Wehrli and her son Joe.
Joe comes disguised as a great explorer...
which wasn't really necessary because we already had a Hunter.
Serendipity brought along her pet parrot Monty. She has an homage to him tattooed on her leg. If you look really, really, carefully, you can just make out a tattoo of her on his leg......

Bachelorette Party

2010-07-20T15:23:00.003-05:00

Scene:
Hilary the Bachelorette is standing in a wooded glade otherwise known as her backyard.
She has a basket of wilted red rose heads beside her.
Grumpy: You know those roses would still be fresh if you could only make your mind up!
Hilary: Tossing her long blond hair coquettishly Just be patient, will you. I'm facing a very difficult decision. I'm not giving these wilted roses to just anyone you know. I can only select 120 people to be guests at our annual party.
Grumpy: If you don't get a move on the party will be over. Why you can't just send out an Evite like everyone else, I don't know.
Hilary: Ok, I'm ready.Mr Mayor, will you accept this rose?
Mayor Pradel: Stepping forward, he shouts: Citizens of Naperville, I'd like to accept this rose on behalf of all the little people. This is the best city in the world and...
Grumpy: It's ok, you save that for Sunday. Just take the rose and get going. Shouldn't you be at a ribbon cutting?
Mayor Pradel: Gee, you're right. See ya later.
Hilary: Geordie Sue, will you accept this rose?
Geordie Sue: Why ay missis. Wouldnee miss ya barbie cue for the world."
Grumpy: Ok, guess you're on the list then. But don't forget to bring your Geordie phrasebook with you. No one will understand a word you're saying.
Hilary: Hyacinth, will you accept this rose?
Rose (stepping forward) No, but I'll take a hyacinth if you have one.
Duchess of Douglas Avenue: I'll take a rose!
Hilary: I'm sorry you'll have to take your turn. I only have 117 left and I want to make sure I make the right choice. This decision could affect my life you know.
Grumpy: It sure will. If this goes on much longer you really will be a Bachelorette!
Hilary: Now you're just trying to make me feel good. Go off and do something useful like chop up a lettuce.
Jett: You tell him. Now are sure there's nothing I can do to help? I could build another third floor on your house if you like. We've still got five days til the party, plenty of time.
Hilary: How sweet, but you won't have time for that. We've still got to fit in a trip to Bora Bora before then......

Get The Party Started....

2010-07-19T08:54:00.002-05:00

The countdown is on the party of the season! Our annual bbq (the one which started with a dozen people in a back garden in rainy England some 20 years ago) has now reached 120 and counting in the suburban American home which we some how find ourselves living in these days.
We've already made six trips to Costco, 14 to GFS and two to the rental store. Of course we haven't really bought anything yet. These are just recognizance trips because nothing excites Grumpy more than comparing the prices of plastic spoons.
Watch for updates this week...

And Now...Here Is The News

2010-07-14T09:05:00.002-05:00

There's nothing like a local paper for strange news. Found two such items in today's Naperville Sun.
The first one was a short fire report headlined Naperville Fire Engine Catches Fire At Station. You'd think they had enough work to do this week with putting out the fire at a local restaurant without creating work by setting fire to their own engines.
On the back page was a large ad for a fun day at a local pet store on July 25th. Among the attractions - free hot dogs....

Too Hot To Handle

2010-07-07T13:52:00.000-05:00

You know it is summer here in Naperville when…

You step out of the shower and realize you’re not dripping with water but perspiration.
Cars can’t get down Jefferson because the road is blocked with customers lining

up for the four ice cream stores down there.

3. Steam rises from your plants when you water them.

It’s standing room only at Centennial Beach.
You no longer notice you’re having hot flashes because you’re hot all the time.
Chipmunks are sunbathing in your front yard.
You cannot sleep unless you can hear the sound of thunder.
The air is so humid you could cut it with a knife, only you can’t be bothered to find one.
You realize that bikini diet you started two days ago isn’t going to work after all.
You seriously consider breaking an egg onto the hood of your car to see if it will cook.
You can play join the dots with your mosquito bites.
Customers in Colonial Café demand real kitchen sinks are filled with ice cream.
You fantasize about vacationing somewhere cooler, like South America.
You save money on Hot Yoga classes by sitting in your car with the air conditioning off.
Ice cubes become a food group.
2 a.m. seems like a really good time to go for a walk.
You stroke your favorite sweater fondly as you remember the last time you wore it.
Instead of opening the front door, you open the freezer door.
You stop wearing make up because you don’t need another layer.
You start counting down the days til Christmas.

Rib Tickling Fun

2010-07-03T22:29:00.005-05:00

The balloons, the ribs, the music, the heat - it can only mean one thing! It's Ribfest time again in Naperville.

As usual there are some top acts playing. This is John Kay from Steppenwolf.
And Eric Burdon and the Animals.
Unlike previous years when I've just gone along to blog, this year I've been there every day either volunteering or working on stories for the Sun. It's fascinating how I'm suddenly in the centre of things here, having an even better time than before.

They Think It's All Over - It Is Now

2010-06-27T13:11:00.002-05:00

So this morning we got up and headed off to Quigley's, our local Irish pub. We found a good spot in a room seemingly filled with English supporters and ordered our British brekkie.
Within minutes we realized that only half the room was English, the other German. I hoped they wouldn't be too disappointed when they lost. We came across our German friend Matt, so he and his son joined us to make up an international table.
"I won't wish you good luck, but nice to see you," I said.
The fun lasted for about 20 minutes until Germany scored their first goal. Half the room went wild. My friend leaped towards the TV screen as I poked my sausage around the plate. Great way to lose your appetite.
I tried to have fun, but let's face it, it is no fun when you're losing. The fact that my German friend kept shouting "shoot shoot" at the screen didn't help.
"Funny how the English think their greatest football adversary is Germany," he chirped. "We think ours is Holland, not England at all."
Another goal later I could see why. Suddenly everything went black, and not because I'd passed out for a change. The satellite TV lost its signal due to yet another storm. It lost the signal just as we scored not only our only allowed goal of the game, but the one that was disallowed by the seemingly blind referee.
The game ended with a horrible 4-1 loss for us.
"Well, it's been nice to see you," I said, shaking hands with Matt as we left. "Pity it was under such tragic circumstances."