Ladies Who Lunch

One week in. Ross has now started his job. But what is there to do for a middle aged woman with no family (here), job or the ability to drive except around a car park? Well, luckily, quite a lot and today I am pleased to announce I have offically become a "lady who lunches".
I was collected today by my new best friend Jill (no disrespect to those of you I have left back in blighty). She showed me the important "must know" things in Naperville. Firstly, the post office. The strangest thing was that it had its own car park. Not only that, but parking was free. Secondly, you don't queue, but take a number while preparing your package, or whatever. Thirdly, the clerks are actually friendly! Imagine such a thing. It's almost like they are happy you came by. (See how I'm picking up the language already).
We then toured some more grocery stores, thankfully a little smaller so less scary, although it probably helped having a native guide.
After stopping for lunch, we did a little house hunting. Apparently nowhere in Naperville is a bad area, just some are better than others. In the U.S homes for sale have signs in the lawn, plus leaflets you can pick up with all the details. We did a bit of this before Jill noticed an Open House sign.
In England, this would be tantamount to saying "please burgle me", but not so here. We followed the signs around until they stopped.
Jill and I have only been friends a few days, but even she couldn't think my English accent meant I was a close relative of the Queen. Could she?
The house was magnificent. It was like the Playboy mansion without the bunnies. It defies description, but that doesn't usually stop me. Hogwarts meets Cluedo? Maybe. That it had a swimming pool goes without saying. But an elevator? Guest/servant quarters? Computerised sound/security system around the house? I lost count of the bathrooms, but there was a special shower for the dog. No, really.
I left without enquiring the price, after all if you need to ask you probably can't afford it. But the real reason for the rejection was this. I may be happy for you all to come and stay, but with a house like this, you would never leave!