Nape O'Ville

Continuing the St.Patrick's Day theme this week, here is this month's column from the Glancer magazine.

March 13th in the little Irish town of Nape O’Ville meant just one thing. The annual West Suburban Irish St. Patrick’s Day parade, but no one knew why.
“Why do we march on March 13th?” asked Mayor O’Pradel. “To be sure St. Paddy’s Day is March 17th, is it not?”
Mayor O’Pradel was enjoying a Guinness at Quigley’s, his favorite downtown watering hole.
“It’s the time difference yer see,” said Nancy, the lilting Irish bar maid. “We’re six hours behind the ole Emerald Isle, so that means we celebrate four days before.”
Confused at her Irish logic, the mayor scratched his head. He turned his attention to the menu.
“What d’you recommend?” he asked.
“Only two items on the menu today,” Nancy replied. “Take it or leave it.”
“Ok, I’ll have the take it to start and the leave it for pudding,” replied the mayor. “Hurry it up, I’ve got a parade to get to.”
Nancy leaned over the counter and stared straight into Mayor O’Pradel’s eyes.
“Never bolt the door with a boiled carrot,” she told him knowingly. Nancy was always coming up with little Irish words of wisdom like that. Pity her customers were too daft to understand them, she mused.
Once he had eaten, Mayor O’Pradel made his way to the start of the parade route.
As he walked past the Dandelion Fountain he saw a group of girls in green velvet dancing their socks off.
“Wonderful,” said the mayor, picking up a sock. “You must be the McNulty Irish Dancers to be sure.”
“That we are,” said Bridie. “We’re practising our Riverwalk Dance.”
“Begorra me dear, surely you mean River Dance?” said Mayor O’Pradel, anxious not to seem like an eejit.
“Well it’s like River Dance,” replied Bridie, pulling on her sock.
The penny dropped.
“Oh,” said the mayor. “But River Walk because we’re in Nape O’Ville d’ya mean?”
“No,” said Bridie. “If you ever troid to Oirish dance your way through the town, you’d want to walk a bit too.”
“Well, the luck o’ the Oirish to ya all,” said the mayor. “I must get to the start of the route. To be sure the parade will be starting any moment now. Top a the marnin’ to ye.”
Five minutes later, everyone was ready. The townsfolk lined the streets, eager not to miss a thing. There were floats and bands, bagpipers and dancers. For one day at least, Nape O’Ville was so green the only thing missing was the Wizard of Oz.