Don't Buy This At Home
There's another oddity about the way drugs are advertised over here. Just as there are health warnings on boxes of cigarettes, so they must warn of side effects when taking certain medicines. This is the kind of thing you might expect to hear on TV or radio:
Slow Booming Macho Male Voice:
"Having trouble sleeping? Sleepness nights making you crochety at work? Taking it out on the wife and kids? Suffer no longer. Just take one spoon of Rip Van Winkle syrup and you'll sleep so good you may never be able to get into work or see your family again."
Whispering Female Voice speaking at 500+ words a minute:
"Remember, do not take on any day with a 'y' at the end. Do not take when using heavy machinery, or holding a pencil come to that. May cause drowiness. In tests, 30% of all users did not wake up until 3 days after taking; 20% never woke up and 60% woke up but were unable to solve simple math problems. May be addictive. Studies have proven Rip Van Winkle syrup has similar properties to heroine, but for half the cost. Always remember to take the syrup after food, preferably a heavy Sunday roast with all the fixins.Do not take if you have ever suffered from any of the following: dandruff, bad breath, sweaty armpits, ingrowing toe nails or bruises.
Do not take for longer than a three week period. If symptoms persist consult your doctor and ask for maximum strength Sleeping Beauty lotion. Just rub into your eyelids and sleep for 100 years, or until awakened by a kiss from a handsome prince.
Slow Booming Macho Male Voice:
"Having trouble sleeping? Sleepness nights making you crochety at work? Taking it out on the wife and kids? Suffer no longer. Just take one spoon of Rip Van Winkle syrup and you'll sleep so good you may never be able to get into work or see your family again."
Whispering Female Voice speaking at 500+ words a minute:
"Remember, do not take on any day with a 'y' at the end. Do not take when using heavy machinery, or holding a pencil come to that. May cause drowiness. In tests, 30% of all users did not wake up until 3 days after taking; 20% never woke up and 60% woke up but were unable to solve simple math problems. May be addictive. Studies have proven Rip Van Winkle syrup has similar properties to heroine, but for half the cost. Always remember to take the syrup after food, preferably a heavy Sunday roast with all the fixins.Do not take if you have ever suffered from any of the following: dandruff, bad breath, sweaty armpits, ingrowing toe nails or bruises.
Do not take for longer than a three week period. If symptoms persist consult your doctor and ask for maximum strength Sleeping Beauty lotion. Just rub into your eyelids and sleep for 100 years, or until awakened by a kiss from a handsome prince.
posted by Hilary at
10:07 AM
1 Comments:
This is too comical. As I read this, there are multiple commercials on the TV for various prescription medications to heal all ailments, provided, of course, you don't breath, don't have cells in your body, don't drink any fluids EVER, don't live in a house, apartment, or ANY sort of temporary housing, don't drive or have ever been a passenger in a car, etc.
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Anonymous, at 12:17 PM
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