Acting Up

Choosing a restaurant can be a dangerous thing. Last night I thought we were going to a new place for spaghetti. We ended up in the middle of what was the worst dinner theatre we had ever attended.

I should have realised something was up when the actors came out to shake hands. Not during the show, you understand, but while we were reading the menu outside the restaurant. The manager of the group couldn't have been happier to meet us than if she had never had a single customer before. She probably hadn't.

"It's a great show," she lied. "Is that a British accent I hear? Oh we can have fun with you. You must join us."

Having been quite impressed by Tony and Tina's Wedding recently, we thought we'd give it a try.

Unfortunately it turned out to be more like an evening of fun in a Spanish hotel than a clever American comedy. Various characters babbled away in front of us as we sat at long tables eating food only slightly better than school dinners. One young man at our table said it actually reminded him of the food they served in the canteen where he works. He works in a hospital.

Still, food isn't important when you're having 'fun".

The first bit came when I was dragged out to join in the Macarena with an actress impersonating Hannah Montana and a nine-year-old girl. Fortunately I had just downed two Cosmopolitans, but even so it was the longest minute of my life.

Worse was to come, when Ross was hauled up to do a hula dance in a pink grass skirt.

Once that humiliation was done, I thought we could relax as we struggled to solve the mystery of who murdered talent. But no. They saved the worst for last, as we were dragged up to join in a rousing chorus of YMCA. I do try to be fun (sometimes) but those who know me know I prefer to stay in the background.

As we left, the owner came over to hug us.

"Well, was it what you expected?" she asked enthusiastically.

"Oh no," said Ross. "Far worse."