Brush Up Your Shakespeare

I see verily that this Thursday cometh is pronounced to be Speak Like Shakespeare Day ineth Chicago. Ye I am shocked and surprisethed at this proclamation, made yesteryere by his lordship the mayor, Sir Richard Daley (in his dreams).
The reason for this most strangest of quests is because Thursday is the noble poet's birthday, and in caseth thou did not knowest it, St George's Day, he who ith the patron saint of jolly olde Englande.
As I ameth born of the fair country itself, I naturallyeth speaketh in the mode of the bard every day. And as a former teacher of the faire language, I offer thee some suggestions if thou would likest to take parte.

When you wake up in the morning and your dog has messed in the middle of the family room: "Out, out damn Spot!"
What's happened to Sacha Baron Cohen these days?
"Alas poor Borat I knew him well".
For the motorist whose GPS has stopped working:
"Romeoville, Romeoville, wherefore out thou Romeoville?"