Royal Countdown

I'm sure Americans are far more excited about the up coming Royal wedding than the British. I'm certain they all expect Kate to begin the ceremony by rolling her hair down from the top of Big Ben for Will to climb up.
The Royals thoughtfully didn't include me on their guest list, since I'm not able to travel easily out of the country for the time being and there's no point in wasting a couple of dinners.
But just in case any of you have been invited, here are some important etiquette tips.
1. Never turn your back on a member of the Royal family. If you see one always back away with your head bowed. This applies to everything, from seeing the Queen's head on stamps to the King's Head pub.
2. Always call the Queen "Marm". Sorry, you can't say "mam" in an American or Geordie accent. Practice saying 10 times daily if you plan to see her majesty (or Helen Mirren) any time soon.
3. If you do meet the Queen, do not ask her if her father did actually use four letter words in his speaking practice session with Lionel Logue.
4. When courtesying , always be demure. If you trip over your skirt or your feet you'll find yourself appointed court jester.
5. Do not buy a pair of souvenir Royal Wedding mugs as a wedding gift. They're kitchen cupboards are already full of them.