Pie Eyed

When we went to see Sweeney Todd recently what surprised our American friends most was not that a mad barber would slit people's throats and cook them, but that in England there really are such a thing as meat pies.
Never one to miss a challenge, I heard myself saying: "Oh yes, tell you what, come for dinner and I'll make some."
You know when you say something and wish you hadn't? It got worse.
"I'll make a proper English meal. With real English dishes."
It's not that I can't cook, it's just some of my things turn out better than others. Pastry is not one of them.
In England I'm afraid I took to cheating. I'd nip out to Sainsbury's and buy frozen pastry. You can of course do that here in the country where convenience is everything, but since they don't go in for savoury pies so much, all the pastry tends to be sweet.
In the end there was nothing for it but to make my own.
Unlike some cooking, pastry making is an exact science. You have to carefully measure the right amounts of flour and fat and rub it in carefully. I did this easily enough, but the trouble is the water. Too much and you end up with Play Doh. Too little and you get breadcrumbs.
After two hours, I was ready to throw the whole lot out of the window and surprise my guests with a take out.
In the end I came up with the idea of using my hand mixer and more water, plus lots of swishing, stamping (both hands and feet) before battering it to death with a rolling pin.
They took twice as long as I thought in the oven, but eventually I had enough my small dinner party. (Actually I had enough for two large dinner parties. I never do things by halves).
The next problem was that I had cooked them all in individual foil cases and I couldn't get them out. I thought of serving them like that, saying that's how we eat them in England, but they wanted Sweeney Todd type pies, and they didn't use foil in Victorian England.
I ended up cutting them out with scissors, and thankfully they all came out intact. In fact by the time they hit the table, they looked just like the ones in the movie.
As for the filling, well that's a secret recipe. Let's just say nobody's seen our neighbours for a while....