Facelift!

Since so many blog readers are on Facebook, I thought you might like to take a look at my column from today's Naperville Sun...

Facelift.com: Facebook for baby boomers
February 12, 2008
I thought I was really cool this week, when I joined the social networking Web site Facebook. To the younger generation, Facebook is everything. It's a way of meeting people, showing off and getting dates without even having to leave your computer.
It's a very interesting concept, but since it's full of kids, I think those of us over 50 should strike back with our own version. Which is why today, I plan to launch Facelift.com!
Imagine. You settle down with a malted drink and begin by filling in your profile.
Name, e-mail. Simple enough. Don't want anything too complicated or we'll have to resort to writing it all down with a pad and pencil. The age box on Facelift won't even have a space for a year of birth, just the date and the address where people should send gifts.
That leads us on to interests. The kids tend to come up with really exciting things like scuba diving or hotwiring cars. What should the Facelift subscriber put?
Attending Red Hat Society, or Weight Watchers meetings, but only on weeks where you haven't been out to eat three times. Watching TV but always falling asleep before the end of a crime show. Listening to the new Fresh radio station because it makes you feel younger, even though the music is actually the same as the old Lite station just without the presenters.
At the top of the Facelift profile page you'll find a space to put in what you are doing now. That's a little erroneous, because obviously what you are doing now is filling in the space at the top of the profile page. In the drop down box you'll find helpful suggestions like "I'm having a hot flash" or "waxing my moustache for the third time this week."
Don't forget to post your photo. Anything taken more than 10 years ago will be fine.
The most important thing on Facelift will be the number of friends you have (left alive).
Once you have confirmed someone is your friend, good memory test that one, they can display photos of themselves on your page. Word of advice, make sure they are all older, or at least less attractive than you are. You don't want too much competition if, like the majority of people, you are using the site to attract a date.
I see you can also play virtual games with your friends. For Facelift, I would suggest something like shuffleboard. This would be far less strenuous than the real thing, with the added bonus that players wouldn't risk toppling overboard in a wild moment.
How about posting some photos of you socializing? Take some fun photos at the next quilting meeting you attend. The kids photos often show them looking very confused under the influence of too much alcohol. Fortunately that's very easy for the over 50s to accomplish without any alcohol at all.
There are those outrageous pictures from cousin Annie's wedding. The one where granny slipped on a wet lettuce leaf and fell over showing everyone her bloomers. Or how about when Uncle Vinnie fell asleep on the table? A riot.
There's so much fun stuff to do. Invite your friends to take a quiz. Try "Twenty Ways To Tell If You Are Going Through Menopause," or '"Can Osteoporosis Break Your Heart?"
Before logging off, don't forget to post a message on a friend's wall. Somewhat confusingly, this isn't really a wall at all, just somewhere to talk to people without going through the bother of having to slather on a pound of make-up first. Maybe this is a better idea than I thought.