Tooth Delay

You really know you are living in a country and not just holidaying there when you visit the dentist for a check up. It's something I'd been putting off for a while, but finally decided it had to be done.
Our insurance company recommended Sears Dental. I tell you, there is nothing scarier than making your way to the reception desk via a collection of heavy duty tools, electric saws, giant pliers and the like. For English readers, it's like going to have your teeth looked at in a corner of B and Q.
"I'm a very nervous patient," I told the hygenist as I sat down.
What a ridiculous thing to say, I thought, as soon as the words were out of my mouth. Who goes to the dentist and says: "I'm a really confident patient. Just pull them all out. I can take it."
I guess I somehow assume they'll say: "Really? In that case we'll just give you a manicure and you can go."
I had made an appointment with the hygienist, because I thought she would just give my teeth a quick polish and I could scoot out before ever seeing a dentist. They're obviously wise to that one.
"I'll just work out your hygiene plan and the dentist will be in shortly to see if he needs to do anything," she said.
The hygiene plan started with multiple x-rays. In England they did two. One on the left side, one on the right, more than sufficient I always thought. But she must have x-rayed every tooth individually.
Then she started poking about with a pick which she somehow used to measure the gum line. Obviously this showed my gums were full of infection and I would need to come back not just for a clean, but a deep clean.
I know the Americans are obsessive about their teeth and the British are quite the opposite. It's for that reason that our new American friends all have shiny tombstone mouths and I smile with my lips shut tight. I was happy in England to escape with a quick bit of scraping and a polish. I now have to return for two 80 minute long appointments involving multiple local anaesthetic and more digging than the excavation of the Channel tunnel.
Just when I was trying to come to terms with that little bag of horrors, the dentist returned to give me the good news about the state of my teeth.
To cut a long story short, most of my fillings need to be replaced, a couple of root canals could stand a bit more treatment, a new filling would be handy and my front four teeth need to be capped!
Apparently it is up to me if I proceed with all this work, but he seemed concerned that I might not take his advice. Not because my teeth would fall out, but because I might sue him if some future dentist ever asked why I hadn't got it done!
"We do have a very different approach to European dentists," he conceded as my face turned white. "We prefer to use preventative treatments here."
Personally I'd rather wait to be in searing (no pun intended for once) agony before volunteering for such torture.
"The good news is you have a really good insurance company," the dentist continued. "They pay for so much of the bill, it's excellent."
Looking at the estimate it would still cost a small fortune. I can see now why Americans are often envious of our National Health System, not that that is exactly free, of course.
So tempting though it maybe to have all my teeth surgically removed and replaced with diamond studded ones, I think I'll stick with these for now.