The Gas Man Cometh...

What follows is a cautionary tale.
Never one to pass up a bargain, Grumpy was thrilled when he found two decorative arbors on sale at a bargain price. The fact that we didn’t need them, that he had no idea how to put them together and even less of an idea how to fix them into the ground didn’t faze him.
“Don’t worry,” he said brightly. “My workmate Spike’s going to come and help. He’s a great handyman.”
Surprisingly the first arbor did indeed go up without a hitch. I was pleasantly surprised. Spike obviously knew what he was doing, Grumpy hadn’t shouted once and I could relax with a book.
I was sunning myself on the deck when Grumpy came bounding up.
“Quick, seal up the house, we’ve called 911”.
“What!”
“We’ve hit a gas pipe!”
Within minutes the tranquil calm of our little sub-division was shattered by the scream of sirens as Naperville’s finest drew up in a big red shiny fire engine.
I wasn’t sure why we needed a fire engine for a gas leak, but the men seemed to know what they were doing.
“Yup,” said one, peering down the hole. “There’s gas alright. We’ll call Nicor for you.
You know you should have contacted J.U.L.I.E. before you began.”
Julie? Would she have fitted the arbors for us? No, apparently it’s the service that will tell you exactly where your gas lines run, so you don’t have little accidents like this one.
We waited patiently for the gas men. Grumpy, Spike and I peered down the hole as the fireman pointed out bright yellow cable that had been pierced. Noxious smelling gas spurted out.
Within a few minutes a small crowd of neighbours had joined us.
“You know last time we had a gas leak the men were drilling all night to fix it,” said one of them helpfully.
“Gathering information for next week’s column?” asked another. How well they know me.
Eventually Nicor arrived and the heroic Jason pushed his way through to look at the hole.
“Yup, it’s a gas leak,” he confirmed. “I’ll need to call for back up.”
An hour later our tiny cul-de-sac was full to the brim with neighbours, the fire truck, the Nicor van and the back up team with equipment so large I half expected Fred Flinstone to clock in for work. The leak repaired, Jason checked the house to make sure we weren’t about to be blown to bits.
“That lady,” he whispered at me, pointing at my beautiful neighbour. “Is she single?”
“No she’s not,” I hissed back. “And anyway, my brother-in-law has first dibs but he’s not single either.”
As I look out of my window now, I can see two beautiful arbours glinting in the sunlight.
I’ll always remember what a bargain they were, especially if I forget the $200 bill from Nicor….