He's No Celebrity: Get Him In There!

Yesterday judges refused to allow former Illinois state governor Rod Blagojevich to take part in NBC's new series I'm A Celebrity,Get Me Out Of Here. The reality show is wildly successful in England, and follows the adventures of a group of Z list celebs dropped into the Australian rain forest. In the American version they're being sent to Costa Rico, which Blago probably thought would save him having to pay for his own ticket to escape to South America.
For those of you disappointed that he won't be taking part, here's an excerpt from how the first episode might have unfolded:

Scene: Clearing in a rain forest. There are 12 tree stumps with cushions on in the centre. There are 20 cameras hidden in the surrounding foliage, with cameramen whispering at each other, drinking beer.

Blago (looking around): Looks like I'm the first person here. Great. A minute on my own to think. No one can hear me or see me, which is quite frankly a bit of a disappointment, but it'll help me acclimatize.
(Removes wig to reveal shiny bald head).
Phew, that's better. God it's hot here. My 'hair's' going to be crawling in a few days. Lucky I bought these spares.
(Opens case to reveal three more identical wigs).
A rustling sound is heard. Enter Sanjaya.
Blago: Oh, you made me jump.
Sanjaya: Sorry. Are you here for I'm A Celebrity?
Blago: Of course I am, don't you recognize me?
Sanjaya: Er, well. To be quite honest no. I've never seen you before.
Blago (gesturing to tree stumps): In that case, can I sell you a seat?
Sanjaya (ignoring him): Would you like to hear this new song I've written especially to resurrect my singing career?
Blago: Surely you can only resurrect something you've already had?
Sanjaya: Have you heard they have contests on the show where they make you eat bugs?
Blago: Bugs! Drat, I thought no one was *!~'** listening!