Vote for Me!

It's election day in our area tomorrow. The TV is jammed with last minute campaign ads, yet I still have no idea what their policies are. Most politicians use their air time to attack the opposition. So in a last ditch attempt, here's why you should vote for me.

1. I'm endorsed by mail man, the check out girl at Target and a librarian.
2. I don't tell lies.
3. I don't take bribes.
(On second thoughts, forget those two, I'll never succeed as a politician with those tactics).
4. My children have made signs which say Vote for Mum.
5. I've kissed so many babies during this campaign my lips are fraying.
6. My leading competitor smells.
7. I promise to cut taxes, create jobs and end global warming until I'm elected to office. After that, you're on your own.
8. I'm really good at reading off an autocue in a monosyllabic tone.
9. If I win, I'll celebrate with a big party. You won't be invited, but rest assured I'll have a good time on your behalf.
10. Since I'm not an American citizen, it's only fair. If I can't vote for anyone else, the least you can all do is vote for me.