Read All About It

All I can say is, "be careful what you wish for." Today the first copy of my column was due out in the Naperville Sun (for British readers Naperville equivalent of The Times/U.S. readers Wall Street Journal/local readers, well you can't blame me for exaggerating a little. You know you can never believe anything you see in print). I rushed along to my nearest supermarket, Jewel, to snap up a few copies.
I was at the same time delighted and somewhat horrified to find they had put my photo on the top of the front page under the headline 'New Columnist On the Other Side of 50'. (Hope everyone assumes I'm around 45.)
I took the papers, along with a pint of milk, to the checkout, just to make it look like I really needed something and the papers were just an after thought.
"Hey," said the girl at the till. "That looks like you."
I felt myself blushing.
"It is you," said her colleague. "Hey, we have a celebrity. We must read this later."
I felt really awkward, despite the fact I had been plotting this very scene since the moment I landed in the U.S.
Next thing I know I'll be doing a signing session, just like Henry Winkler and Alan Alda (see earlier entries).
Trouble is, whereas they signed books for mass audiences in lofty venues, I'll be scribbling on a newspaper in Jewel......