Smashing Pumpkins

"There must be a way of protecting the pumpkins," I moaned at Grumpy this evening. "Everyone else has them."
"That's because they're plastic," he grumbled.
"No they're not," I said. "I bet everyone knows how to protect them but us."
So we went along to Menards to see if they could help.
"We don't really have anything to deter squirrels," said the assistant, looking at us as if we'd just landed from another planet. "But we've got stuff for rabbits and deer. You could try that."
The pumpkins cost $4.99 each. The spray $11.99. Ridiculous I know, but it was now a matter of principal. It was the squirrels or us!
The stuff was called Liquid Fence, an innocuous enough name. I pictured a little picket fence keeping the squirrels out.
"Remember to spray it outdoors," warned the assistant. "It does smell a little."
We hurried home with the spray plus a few Halloween knick knacks. If the spray didn't deter the squirrels, a few flashing plastic pumpkins and strings of lights surely would.
We moved the real pumpkins back outside, being careful to face the chewed up hole towards the house so no one would see it. Grumpy sprayed and I went outside in the dark to watch for squirrels.
All I can say if we do get any, they'll be wearing gas masks. We might as well have spread horse manure all over the front door. The smell is so pungent you have to hold your breath as you run in from the driveway. It smells like we've bought a pet elephant.
Still, at least the pumpkins are in one piece...for now........