999th Posting: It's a Wonderful Life

Happy Christmas to all my readers (assuming there's any of you left out there). If you look carefully, you'll see it isn't Bedford Falls, but downtown Naperville. It was taken a few days ago by Glancer Magazine photographer David Neesley.
The card epitomizes Naperville. It's a typical small town much like the one featured in the Christmas classic. It's a place where miracles happen on a daily basis and no one ever falls out with anyone apart from Grumpy and me with each other. Everyone here lives happily ever after, which is what we are trying to do.
My next posting will be my 1,000th. As some of you will know I have been debating whether to continue on after that. As I've said before, I now write for a living so have other avenues in which to be heard.
Living the American Dream is just a story like any other. Like all good things it will have to come to an end sometime. Not because we will be moving away, but perhaps I won't have anything new to say. We've been round the wheel nearly four times now. Is it worth continuing the world's most public private diary? I don't know, do you?

House of Horrors

It's funny how quickly you can grow to hate a house. We have a deal. I agree to keep it clean and in return our house keeps me cool in the summer and warm in the winter. Well I'm now suing for divorce. In the depth of a super cold spell, cold even for Chicago, the house let our furnace escape. Had the house left me for another younger owner I wouldn't
Have minded so much. But to leave us in the cold in bitterly cold weather is unforgivable.
Since Saturday morning our home has made Cold Comfort Farm seem like The Ritz. It doesn't help that Grumpy has been surprisingly gung ho about the whole thing.
" You're behaving like a school girl," he said as I tried to make coffee with my gloves on.
"It's not that bad," he said as I shook in front of the fire under a blanket.
Grumpy has done his best to help. He went out and spent over $100 on heaters that in an open plan house are less use than a hair dryer. I've taken to dragging round behind me like a puppy, but the only way it could keep me warm would be if I stuffed it under my sweater. In e summer I open the freezer door to cool off. Now I have to do it to keep warm!
I think the cold has gone to his brain. It certainly has to mine, This morning in my rush to prepare supper before leaving the house I smashed both potatoes and their bowl as I took out my frustrations attempting to mash them with a meat tenderizer.
I stormed out to the cinema where I saw the first movie I could find on at 10 am a psychological thriller. It was a great movie, but the cinema was still pretty cold. Still it gave me plenty of tips on how to dissect my steak when I finally return to the igloo I currently live in.
Good news is their may be a warm front tomorrow. If the new furnace doesn't turn up, I'm setting fire to the house!

Baby It's Cold Inside

This weekend we have joined that elite group that we often hear about here in Naperville, those whose furnaces die in the dead of winter. So with gloved hands I type this wintry homage to Dean Martin.....

I really can’t stay
but baby it’s cold inside
Its 40 degrees
but its warmer outside
This weekend has been a total mess
Look at my hands, they’re blue with ice
My mother will start to worry
She’s never liked me, has she?
My father will be turning in his grave
Listen to the fireplace roar
I’m amazed you can hear it over my teeth chattering.
Your hot flashes are fine in the cold
But I’d rather keep them til I am old
Maybe just a half a drink more?
Of anti freeze? Ok then pour.
The neighbors might faint
(oh they know you by now)
These space heaters are great
the heat doesn’t even reach the door.
I wish I knew how,
My eyelashes are frozen now.
To break this spell
Book us into a damn hotel.
I ought to say “no, no, no sir”
Mind if I move in with a neighbor?
But the furnace will be fixed by Wednesday,
Til then its cold inside!

Triple Klutz

At a party with neighbors the other day, I was horrified when they said we hadn't had a bad winter in Chicago for at least three years. That means all those springs I was congratulating myself for having survived were a joke.
This winter started right on cue early December. Technically, of course, winter doesn't begin until December 21st, but with holiday festivities in full flow, it was only fitting for Mother Nature to dump her first load of snow on us.
The snow, to be fair, hasn't been that much of a problem. It's the cold. And the ice.
Whenever it rains, which being Naperville is only between the hours of 3 a.m. and 4 a.m. every other Tuesday unless its a leap year, a pool of water collects at the end of our drive.
A sudden early deep freeze has meant we now have our own small but beautifully formed skating rink.
Our paper delivery girl seems to take great delight into throwing our newspaper directly into it's center which means if I want to retrieve it without having to going to the hospital afterward, I have to reverse out of the garage in my car, pick it up then drive back again. I know everyone uses their cars for everything in this country, but even so....
It was worse on Monday evening when I had to put out the wheelie bin (garbage can for American readers). I couldn't see the ice patch looming and completed a triple lutz as I sped to the kerb (yes, that's how we spell it in England)at breakneck speed.
Fortunately Evan Lysacek is a facebook friend so I'm going to ask him to me help out next week if he's not too busy.

Testing, Testing

Well this is a first. Assuming it works this will be my first blog entry from my new iPad. I was very concerned when I first got it because
The touch screen keyboard takes some getting used to. The good thing is if you do make a mistake it will self correct. Of course if you don
T tame the time to check it you cN still end up wi a lot of gobbledegook but considdfjb my usual entries, I think regular readers won
T notice the difference.