Graduation Sensation

It's very pressurized being a Naperville mom. Education is everything. Even puppies have to graduate if they want to get on.
But fortunately Daisy showed she was a degree above the others tonight when she graduated from puppy school.
The proud parents with one very confused dog.
Teacher's pet.
"Hey Pepper, let's sneak out of the dorm for a celebratory drink when they've gone to bed. You can stand on my shoulders and drink out of the toilet..."

Right Place, Right Time

Photo credit: Steve Vukosovic

I tell you, it was pretty scary there being unemployed for a whole week. Anyway, tonight I was back where I belong - freelancing for the Naperville Sun.
Here I am with Olympic Gold Medalist Kristi Yamaguchi at Anderson's.
Celebs don't often have time for interviews, so I went along expecting only to speak to fans. But one co-incidence occurred after another.
1. Addressing the crowd, Kristi mentioned the publishers of her new book (a New York Times Children's Best Seller) were local to Naperville.
2. I found the publisher who took me aside so I could interview her.
3. Kristi popped back for a minute before signing hundreds of autographs so I managed to grab a few words.
4. My former photographer colleague Steve came by at just the right moment and took our picture.

I realize I now have a niche at the Sun. I'm their go to person for stories about Olympic Gold Medalists who have been on Dancing with the Stars!

For full story click on:
http://napervillesun.suntimes.com

or see tomorrow's paper.

If The Royal Wedding Was Held In Naperville..

1. The locals would actually be excited about it.
2. Quigleys would be decked out with Union Jack bunting and serve $1 pints all day.
3. Every sub division would hold a street party.
4. All the women in the town would start wearing hats.
5. The Canterbury Shoppe would sell tasteful souvenirs that no one could afford.
6. Mayor Pradel would give the Royal couple the key to the city and declare April 29th "Wills and Kate Day".
7. The Naperville Sun would have a special eight part pull out supplement.
8. Glancer magazine would run one photo of a blonde guest with no caption (if you sense a note of bitterness there, you're correct, but serves them right)
9. Coldstone would sell wedding cakes made of ice cream. (Remember it was my idea first when you see it).
10. We wouldn't have to wake up at 4 a.m. to watch it on TV.

Presents Perfect

"What's that I hear? Is it the mail man?"
"It is!"
"Er..but now I have to get down these stairs...help!"
"Oh boy, it's a present from Abi in England. Just what I've always wanted....a houndbag! How do you think it looks?"
"And my first real London souvenir!"

The Dog Whisperer

Since I'm not working at the moment, I've decided to become an anthropologist. I've been studying Daisy's body language in depth an have come up with the following preliminary results:

Action: She stops what she's doing and stares into my eyes until I have an overwhelming desire to give her a treat.
Result: I stop what I'm doing and give her a treat.
Consequence: Daisy is in complete control and I find little bits of dog treat in whatever I've been cooking at the time.

Action: Daisy grips my sleeve/arm with her teeth and refuses to let go.
Result: I consider making bracelets out of live dogs as my next career move.
Consequence: I no longer need gloves because I can poke my fingers through my sleeves.

Action: Daisy sits down and refuses to walk outside on her leash.
Result: I carry her 200 yards, put her on the ground and she walks back home.
Consequence: I'm building huge muscles in my right arm and she looks like a set of bagpipes.

Why Facebook Is Like Primary School

1. You never really learn anything much from it, you just think you do.
2. It makes you feel popular, even when you may not be.
3. It gives you the chance to tell to everyone what you did last night, even before your first class.
4. It gives you the opportunity to say "I'm not going to be your friend anymore" by blocking someone - the biggest insult of the social media age.
5. You can tell everyone who you like, which sort of suggests if they want to be your friend you should like it too.
6. It helps make the smallest thing into something huge, when the reality is the people who have something 'huge' don't have time to facebook about it all day.
7. It gives you something to do during the day before your parents/children/husband comes home.
8. You can play games on it when other people think you are working.
9. You can tell everyone what you did on your vacation/at the weekend without them having to actually listen.
10.It gives you something to blog about when you are treated childishly by a former 'employer' and are looking for work.

Dogged Determination

In the early days of this blog I would write articles here because I didn't have anyone else to publish them. Four years later I find myself temporarily back in the same position. I don't think I could have picked a more difficult career for myself here if I'd have tried. I will, of course, be back in print soon, but until then I'll be back blogging. So for any Grumpy fans here's the next installment.

As a mom, or should I say mum, back in England, I never really looked forward to my daughter’s parent teacher conferences. It wasn’t that she was a bad student, but she was forever in trouble for talking in class. I come from a long line of women who talk too much. As a child my mother and I could barely make it back from a trip to the corner store in less than an hour because she would have to stop and chat with everyone she saw, unfortunately whether she knew them or not.

Although I no longer have to attend those dreaded conferences, in many ways I feel like a new mom now we have a new baby in the house – albeit a small furry one with four paws and a striking black beard.

When Grumpy comes home from work we always talk in detail about Daisy’s potty training, although I really must try to stop doing that during dinner. We discuss if she’s been a good girl or a bad one, forgetting that in reality she’s actually a dog and doesn’t deliberately do anything wrong (apparently). I’ve actually heard myself saying “wait til your father gets home”, although this is pretty unlikely since he’s actually a dog who lives in Missouri.

Things were going pretty well, until we enrolled in puppy obedience classes. I’m not talking about the dog’s behaviour, but within a week we were back in our old roles as parents.

“I think she’s very intelligent,” I heard Grumpy tell the trainer. “She’s only three months old and she can already sit. She’s a fast learner.”

While he was falling into proud pushy parent mode, Daisy was following in our real daughter’s footsteps. Within seconds she was firm friends with her class mate Pepper, refused to do any work at all and spent the whole lesson playing and messing about. (I mean messing in the literal sense here, unfortunately).

“Did you feed her before you brought her here this evening?” said the trainer accusingly. I won’t be doing that again.

By the third week I’ll swear Daisy had been texting her friend between classes. They rushed into each others paws leaping up and down like teenagers at a Justin Bieber concert. Pepper is now running rings around our puppy who is turning into a straight D student, and I don’t mean D for dog. All we can hope is she can get by on her looks, because at this rate she’s destined to become a dumb blonde.

Out of class we’ve spent hours doing her homework for her. Grumpy lays down on the floor while I pretend to feed him a treat in the hope that Daisy will understand what we want her to do. If we meet strangers on the street, she jumps up and down like a lunatic waving her paws at them like long lost friends. Either she’s begging them to rescue her or she’s inherited some of my family genes after all.

Daisy Plays Bach

Daisy may still not be house trained or that good on a leash, but how many other puppies can play the piano? Her favourite? Bach of course!

Puppy Poser

She may only be three months old, but no one in my household is allowed to shirk their responsibilities. Having failed miserably at house training (two weeks in and she's still to lift a duster) I've decided Daisy will just have to follow in my footsteps instead. So today she took part in her first photo shoot in an effort to make her famous, just like me.
I'm obviously not actually that famous, because the shoot took place at our favorite downtown dog boutique, the Two Bostons. The assistant had no idea who I was but went along with it because I had a photographer in tow. (I really am going to have to have my own paparazzi team running after me if I'm ever to achieve true fame in this town).
We set up in the back corner and got to work.
I can see now it must have been a little confusing for Daisy. I was using my training clicker behind her, and our photographer was calling in front of her. Although she responds pretty well if I say "watch me", it's not much use if I'm sitting behind her and we're both meant to be looking at the camera. Technically I'm not sure if posing for photos will ever come up at our training class, certainly not before she's learned to walk more than six steps in a straight line on a leash.
After about 20 minutes we managed two shots and a puddle on the floor. (I really need to drink less before I go out).
"How about we just have her sitting on the stool?" suggested Flash.
Since Daisy can barely make it down the front door step without an elevator, it seemed like a plan. After all, Havanese have a history of being circus dogs. If the stool balancing act when well, perhaps we could try the trapeze next?
Two minutes of wobbling made me realize she was never going to make it onto American iDog, so we abandoned that idea before I could be summoned before the Humane Society.
"Maybe we need some help," said Flash. He called upon an assistant to stand behind him. After another 10 minutes of her telling Daisy how fabulous she was, the dog finally gave in and gave a couple of sneers at the camera.
You can see the results of Daisy's first brush with fame in the April edition of Glancer Magazine. Not sure she'll ever be a cover girl, but it could be something for her to get her teeth into.

Let Them Eat Pancakes

I don't quite know why flour, eggs and milk mixed together should taste so good, but I've always had a thing for pancakes. Shrove Tuesday was always a big deal at home, even without celebrating Lent. My favorite tradition was watching the BBC children's TV programme Blue Peter, in which the unsuspecting latest presenter would have to make a pancake live on air!
To Americans this may sound a little flat, if you pardon the pun, but I'm not talking those spongy frisbees you eat for breakfast. Our pancakes are like small French crepes and often quite tricky to make. The challenge is to flip them over without a spatula. You shake the crepe to the edge of the pan, then with a quick flip of the wrist launch it into the air and watch it float back delicately into the center of the pan to finish cooking the other side.
Over the years I've had pancakes that fell on the cooker, pancakes that stuck to the pan and pancakes that end up looking like scrambled eggs. Note: they only stick to the ceiling in comedy shows. Some come out as large as a dinner plate, others as small as a penny. I'll tell you, it's not as easy as it looks.
When I first visited America 30 years ago, I fell in love with the International House of Pancakes. (Remember I was very young and foolish). To this day I'll never know why they are international, or why I even liked them. The pancakes are thick and floppy with no real taste, which explains why you have to slather them in butter and maple syrup. But I can't stop my affection for the place. We even went there on Sunday morning, and yes, it was just as dreadful as ever.
Today I'll be flipping my own pancakes, stacking them up with lemon and sugar to eat later on today. It's a recipe that translates easily to this side of the pond, but one thing will be missing. A family to share them with....

Royal Countdown

I'm sure Americans are far more excited about the up coming Royal wedding than the British. I'm certain they all expect Kate to begin the ceremony by rolling her hair down from the top of Big Ben for Will to climb up.
The Royals thoughtfully didn't include me on their guest list, since I'm not able to travel easily out of the country for the time being and there's no point in wasting a couple of dinners.
But just in case any of you have been invited, here are some important etiquette tips.
1. Never turn your back on a member of the Royal family. If you see one always back away with your head bowed. This applies to everything, from seeing the Queen's head on stamps to the King's Head pub.
2. Always call the Queen "Marm". Sorry, you can't say "mam" in an American or Geordie accent. Practice saying 10 times daily if you plan to see her majesty (or Helen Mirren) any time soon.
3. If you do meet the Queen, do not ask her if her father did actually use four letter words in his speaking practice session with Lionel Logue.
4. When courtesying , always be demure. If you trip over your skirt or your feet you'll find yourself appointed court jester.
5. Do not buy a pair of souvenir Royal Wedding mugs as a wedding gift. They're kitchen cupboards are already full of them.