If The Royal Wedding Was Held In Naperville..

1. The locals would actually be excited about it.
2. Quigleys would be decked out with Union Jack bunting and serve $1 pints all day.
3. Every sub division would hold a street party.
4. All the women in the town would start wearing hats.
5. The Canterbury Shoppe would sell tasteful souvenirs that no one could afford.
6. Mayor Pradel would give the Royal couple the key to the city and declare April 29th "Wills and Kate Day".
7. The Naperville Sun would have a special eight part pull out supplement.
8. Glancer magazine would run one photo of a blonde guest with no caption (if you sense a note of bitterness there, you're correct, but serves them right)
9. Coldstone would sell wedding cakes made of ice cream. (Remember it was my idea first when you see it).
10. We wouldn't have to wake up at 4 a.m. to watch it on TV.