Dear Martha

Dear Martha,
I followed your instructions to the letter and proudly displayed my pumpkin on my porch. I guess it's a bit late now, but could you tell me how to make it squirrel proof? They have eaten into the side, kicked it onto the path and ruined all my work. I don't know how they could be so hungry. Yesterday they emptied an entire bird feeder. In fact I swear I saw one loading up a shopping cart with bird food they were so greedy.
I searched all the stores in vain tonight for a new pumpkin. But just like the person who leaves their Christmas shopping until Christmas Eve, I seem to have left it too late.
So I now have a porch covered with cobwebs, spiders and ghouls and will be out in full witch regalia tomorrow evening, alas with no Jack O'Lantern.
Yours disappointedly......