Martha Screwup
Today readers we are going to learn how to make a beautiful Jack-O-Lantern for Halloween.
Here's what you will need: one large pumpkin and a pumpking carving kit. Ready? Off we go!
Step 1: Turn your pumpkin around to find the best place to mark your design. You need one which is nice and round, not flat on one side with a nasty dried up old bruise on the back.
Step 2: Buy a new pumpkin.
Step 3: Slice top off pumpkin, remembering to retain it for later. You'll need to place it back on at the end.
Step 4: Remove pumpkin lid from trash can. What did I tell you?
Step 5: Use scraper provided to remove all seeds and stringy bits. I said all strings.
Step 6: Select pattern from book, cut it round the edge and affix to aforementioned pumpkin with tape.
Step 7: Use pounce wheel (like a mini pizza wheel) to trace pattern onto pumpkin. Your neighbours will be much more impressed if you use one of the more difficult patterns, so no carving two triangle eyes and a smile, thank you.
Step 8: Remove paper to reveal pinhole pattern to cut through.
Step 9: Rub flour onto pumpkin to reveal pinhole pattern to cut through.
Step 10: Find magnifiying glass to reveal pinhole pattern to cut through.
Step 11: Decide your own design will look better anyhow. Any child could cut round a tracing.
Step 12: Use tools provided: tiny saws and plastic drill.
Step 13: Use tools not provided: Kitchen knives and scissors.
Step 14: Use anything you can find to cut through pumpkin. A rusty garden saw or fallen branch works well.
Step 15: Place candle inside pumpkin.
Step 16: Stand on tiptoes with very long lighter to attempt to light candle.
Step 17: Drill a tiny hole in pumpkin lid to let smoke out.
Step 18: What did I tell you about the lid? Keep hold of it stupid.
Step 19: Replace lid lining up cut out "tooth" for a perfect fit.
Step 20: What do you mean, you didn't leave a "tooth?"
Step 21: Precariously balance lid with two cocktail sticks, taking care not to blow the candle out.
Step 22: Run hand under cold water to reduce blistering.
Step 23: Buy a battery operated plastic pumpkin.
Here's what you will need: one large pumpkin and a pumpking carving kit. Ready? Off we go!
Step 1: Turn your pumpkin around to find the best place to mark your design. You need one which is nice and round, not flat on one side with a nasty dried up old bruise on the back.
Step 2: Buy a new pumpkin.
Step 3: Slice top off pumpkin, remembering to retain it for later. You'll need to place it back on at the end.
Step 4: Remove pumpkin lid from trash can. What did I tell you?
Step 5: Use scraper provided to remove all seeds and stringy bits. I said all strings.
Step 6: Select pattern from book, cut it round the edge and affix to aforementioned pumpkin with tape.
Step 7: Use pounce wheel (like a mini pizza wheel) to trace pattern onto pumpkin. Your neighbours will be much more impressed if you use one of the more difficult patterns, so no carving two triangle eyes and a smile, thank you.
Step 8: Remove paper to reveal pinhole pattern to cut through.
Step 9: Rub flour onto pumpkin to reveal pinhole pattern to cut through.
Step 10: Find magnifiying glass to reveal pinhole pattern to cut through.
Step 11: Decide your own design will look better anyhow. Any child could cut round a tracing.
Step 12: Use tools provided: tiny saws and plastic drill.
Step 13: Use tools not provided: Kitchen knives and scissors.
Step 14: Use anything you can find to cut through pumpkin. A rusty garden saw or fallen branch works well.
Step 15: Place candle inside pumpkin.
Step 16: Stand on tiptoes with very long lighter to attempt to light candle.
Step 17: Drill a tiny hole in pumpkin lid to let smoke out.
Step 18: What did I tell you about the lid? Keep hold of it stupid.
Step 19: Replace lid lining up cut out "tooth" for a perfect fit.
Step 20: What do you mean, you didn't leave a "tooth?"
Step 21: Precariously balance lid with two cocktail sticks, taking care not to blow the candle out.
Step 22: Run hand under cold water to reduce blistering.
Step 23: Buy a battery operated plastic pumpkin.
posted by Hilary at
2:56 PM
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