Shelf Slacker
Until I get that elusive phone call from Hollywood or major magazine deal, I've decided to make better use of my time by volunteering at Loaves and Fishes, our local food pantry. I went along yesterday afternoon for my first shift. If nothing else, I figured, it would give me some useful experience which I could help me should I ever wish to become a shelf stacker in Jewel.
It seemed simple enough. Take donated food out of one box, divide it into categories, then rebox it.
The first task was to separate peanut butter from jelly. How American! Did you know there must be least 40 brands of peanut butter alone in this country?
This is ok. I feel like I'm at work in a factory. Not that glamorous, but at least it's work, or would be if I were being paid. Let me see. This jar goes over here. Now the jelly. Grape. Lots of grape. Some strawberry and blueberry. I wonder which one goes best with the peanut butter? I can hear my stomach rumbling. Wonder if moving three jars has burnt off enough calories to equal a spoon of peanut butter? Probably not. Another box of jars? Put them down there please. Now where was I? Another box, already, hang on. Don't panic. This goes here, that goes there. I feel like I'm playing shops as a kid when I used to pretend my dad's socks were kippers in a fishmongers.
I'd better speed up. I'm beginning to feel like Lucy in the chocolate factory or wherever it was. Uh oh! Halt! I'm holding peanut butter and jelly in the same jar! Beads of perspiration start popping up on my headachey brow so I look like a teenager with acne. An easy thing to picture since most of my co-workers are actually teenagers. What should I do? Scrape all the jelly out and put it in an empty jar? How do they even get it in there like that? What if you want to eat them separately?
"Crackers!"
What? No more time for pb and j, we're onto crackers. By now I'm really hungry. Would anyone notice if I sloped off and had a pbj and c break? My head is swimming. There are hundreds of boxes all around me. We only have two hours? How will we get all this done?
"Holiday food!" Aaggh. Something else already. What is holiday food exactly? I couldn't see any fresh turkeys lying around. Oh, jars of gravy. Are green beans and fried onions holiday food? Apparently, even though to me holiday food is the cheap spaghetti you eat on a trip to Spain.
The cultural differences are a bigger deal than I thought. I daren't even ask where to put rogue cans of tomatoes because my British accent will echo round the warehouse like a cuckoo in the nest.
I'd started out think shelf stacking was an easy job that anyone could do. Well, shelf stackers of the world, I applaud you. Next time I'm going to try something easier, like brain surgery. Volunteer for Edward Hospital anyone?
It seemed simple enough. Take donated food out of one box, divide it into categories, then rebox it.
The first task was to separate peanut butter from jelly. How American! Did you know there must be least 40 brands of peanut butter alone in this country?
This is ok. I feel like I'm at work in a factory. Not that glamorous, but at least it's work, or would be if I were being paid. Let me see. This jar goes over here. Now the jelly. Grape. Lots of grape. Some strawberry and blueberry. I wonder which one goes best with the peanut butter? I can hear my stomach rumbling. Wonder if moving three jars has burnt off enough calories to equal a spoon of peanut butter? Probably not. Another box of jars? Put them down there please. Now where was I? Another box, already, hang on. Don't panic. This goes here, that goes there. I feel like I'm playing shops as a kid when I used to pretend my dad's socks were kippers in a fishmongers.
I'd better speed up. I'm beginning to feel like Lucy in the chocolate factory or wherever it was. Uh oh! Halt! I'm holding peanut butter and jelly in the same jar! Beads of perspiration start popping up on my headachey brow so I look like a teenager with acne. An easy thing to picture since most of my co-workers are actually teenagers. What should I do? Scrape all the jelly out and put it in an empty jar? How do they even get it in there like that? What if you want to eat them separately?
"Crackers!"
What? No more time for pb and j, we're onto crackers. By now I'm really hungry. Would anyone notice if I sloped off and had a pbj and c break? My head is swimming. There are hundreds of boxes all around me. We only have two hours? How will we get all this done?
"Holiday food!" Aaggh. Something else already. What is holiday food exactly? I couldn't see any fresh turkeys lying around. Oh, jars of gravy. Are green beans and fried onions holiday food? Apparently, even though to me holiday food is the cheap spaghetti you eat on a trip to Spain.
The cultural differences are a bigger deal than I thought. I daren't even ask where to put rogue cans of tomatoes because my British accent will echo round the warehouse like a cuckoo in the nest.
I'd started out think shelf stacking was an easy job that anyone could do. Well, shelf stackers of the world, I applaud you. Next time I'm going to try something easier, like brain surgery. Volunteer for Edward Hospital anyone?
posted by Hilary at
9:51 AM
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