Spam a lot

Since the advent of e mail, we've all got used to dealing with more spam than the entire British army could digest during the Second World War. But today I discovered that it does actually have a funny side. It all started at 4.30 a.m. when my new smart phone bleeped to tell me I had an e mail. To be honest, if it were that smart it would know to wait til a decent hour, but I digress. The message was from a friend saying she'd had a message from me that looked suspicious and said she wouldn't open it until I okayed it. Quite what she was doing checking her e mails so early I have no idea, but I checked and realized it was spam.
By 6 a.m. I had over 100 e mails telling me my message couldn't be delivered. They, of course, were computer generated so not very interesting, but if I had only known the response I would get if I decided to say "hi" to everyone I have ever e mailed I would have done it much sooner.
First was an old work colleague who now lives in Greece. It prompted her to tell me the Greek word for Easter was very similar to Passover. I didn't know that. I didn't really
need to know it at 6 o'clock in the morning, but hey, I was up anyway.
By 10 a.m. I had had another 100 'out of office' e mails, which means I'll hear personally from all of them after the Easter holidays in England.
I've had several from people saying they couldn't open my message, and asked if I could resend. A contact at Naperville Library said she had a real belly laugh from my message about gastric bypasses, and another contact said she was flattered she was still on my list and pitched a story.
All the emails from my account are different so I'm not sure what they say, but I've had 50 orders for my penis enlarging medication, three offers of marriage and an offer from a porn movie director and it's only lunchtime.
I'm even getting celebrity responses. Recently retired Dick Tracy artist Dick Locher told me he'd wait to order my ice machine until the weather hits 95 degrees!