Junk and Disorderly

I daresay junk mail is a world-wide epidemic; we certainly had our fair share in England. Unfortunately we haven't escaped it here in America, but today it reached new heights. I unlocked my mail-box to find the following, no exaggeration:
A card offering Ross free teeth whitening for life. They obviously know I'm a lost cause.
A card offering $5 off rug cleaning.
A card with coupons for a local hairdresser.
A leaflet offering a cleaning service for my house. (Must have read this week's column in the Naperville Sun).
A small newspaper full off Home for the Holidays Sale details at Menards, a local diy store. (Don't they know Ross's track record?)
A leaflet of coupons for things like tire rotation and computerized spin balance from a local garage. Sure I don't need that, but the coolant flush sounded refreshing.
A menu from an Italian caterers wishing us a happy Thanksgiving. Don't know what I would do with 5lbs of Potato salad, but at $13.25 sounds like a bargain!
A leaflet advertising dvds and music from a local discount store. Their logo is a killer shark wearing sunglasses, no idea why.
A small newspaper from a local supermarket.
A couple of papes from a rival supermarket on an even lower advertising budget.
A brochure from our nearest hardware store. Even though I won't be needing them, it's nice to know I can buy an igloo, penguin and polar bear should I want to.
A card telling me about the offers in my local wine store.
Did you know La-Z-Boy is opening a new furniture gallery in a nearby town?
A newspaper from another supermarket. Obviously didn't want to get left out.
A leaflet telling me where I can buy a full size arcade machine with 12 classic hits, although it doesn't tell me what they are.
Yet another colour newspaper telling me all the details of a three day sale in my favourite supermarket.
A coupon booklet showing me a bunch of "flowers" that is actually made of fruit. Looks ridiculous, but the bucket it comes in is quite nice.
$7 off my next Jiffy Lube. No idea what that idea is, but I'd rather have a qualified doctor do it thank you.
A newspaper telling about the offers in a supermarket I have never heard of.
A broachure offering cheap windows...plus a turkey. Wouldn't mind windows, I guess, but no need for a pet.
A colour brochure telling me about the wonderful gifts I can buy in Office Depot.
A thick catalogue for a shipping company.
A glossy brochure from a jewelers, telling me how much I need a diamond. Now, that's one worth looking at....