Passover the Musical: The Recipe

Take:
12 people who last appeared on stage when they were at elementary school.
4 people who have never appeared on stage.
6 children who can scream across a schoolyard but can only whisper on a stage.
1 out of tune piano
1 middle aged woman who can barely direct people to the restroom, let alone through a script
1 thick white beard with a life of it's own
1 pharoah's hat
18 words of Yiddish
12,000 words of gibberish
A small leather whip from an adult shop
11 original songs
1 rubber chicken (squeaks)

Method:

Throw all ingredients into the sanctuary of Congregation Beth Shalom, Naperville, and lock the doors (if you can get them to work).
Stir with a large wooden spoon and a strict hand.
Close your eyes really tight and pray very hard. (It's really handy being in a place of worship for this part).
Leave to simmer for three months (although it will seem like six).

On Saturday, March 15th unlock the doors at 7 p.m. and voila!
If you're really lucky, an audience of 300 will start to filter in, the show will begin and be an instant hit!
(Or it'll be raided by the entertainment police led by Simon Cowell....)