Picture Imperfect

While I am more than happy to court fame, it does seem a bit sad that I've started attracting attention just as my looks and figure are heading out the door. Since I'm a writer I assumed this wouldn't be a problem. More than happy to write about anything. Particularly happy to see my name in print. But photos? Why now?
I've written about this before, but things have come to a head (unfortunately mine) this week. Yesterday I did a photo shoot for the Naperville Sun and got Grumpy to take some for another little project I'm hope to launch. Tomorrow I'm heading to the offices of The Glancer magazine for pix for a new column I'm writing for their new on line publication which launches next week.
Waiting my turn at the Sun offices was like waiting to go before a firing squad. Or the dentist. Or hospital X rays. The actual process wasn't too bad, but I'm dreading getting the results. Even worse, I won't see them until they are in print, so it will be too late to do anything about it.
"I'm only doing this if you can photo shop my head onto Jennifer Aniston's body," I said to the photographer as he started climbing a ladder. He peered down at me.
"What kind of articles do you write?" he said, totally ignoring my comment. The fact he didn't already know led to at least six shots of me looking faintly irritated.
"Funny," I said. "Don't bother to take anything of me looking serious."
Trouble is, even when I smile I look serious, as was evident when Grumpy took more snaps of me later at home.
"You don't smile with your lips turned up," he grumbled, which of course made them turn down even more. "Show your teeth."
I sneered at him like a tiger. "Only if you can airbrush them," I said. "I have British teeth. Remember, the ones they always crack jokes about on TV."
Click, click.
"Well, are any of those any good?" I grimaced.
"Er, how can I put this," said Grumpy. "They're ok. It's just your chin."
So now I have a new neurosis. Apart from the obvious issues, now I apparently have a chin that would shadow Jay Leno's.
Heaven knows how it will turn out tomorrow. I'm writing a new humor column so have been told to wear something brightly coloured and fun. Perhaps I should just buy a yellow bin liner and pull it over my head.