Hometown Holidays: It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas

Yesterday was Thanksgiving - today is Christmas! The turkey is barely cold and Naperville is already onto its next festival, Hometown Holidays. The festival marks the start of the Christmas season. As usual, the town pulled out all the stops with a parade, carol singers,real reindeers and a visit from Santa and Mrs Claus (aka Mayor Pradel and his wife). As the parade came to an end, Santa pulled the switch and the town was transformed into a fairyland of twinkling lights.

Guest of honour was local Olympic skater Evan Lysacek

What could be better when the weather is below freezing than a visit to my favourite ice cream parlour?

Who needs a hot chocolate when you can have a frozen one?

Midnight Madness

Desperate for a really traditional first Thanksgiving, there was only one thing we could do at the end of the evening. Go shopping!
The day after Thanksgiving is called Black Friday, because it is meant to ensure that stores will end their year "in the black", pretty important when the whole country appears to be teetering on the breach of a recession. Ever keen to support the American economy, we left Bif and Buffy's for Premium Outlets, who were having a Midnight Madness Event. They weren't wrong in calling it this, but not for the reason we had hoped.
The discount mall is a 10 minute drive from where we live. Four miles of the journey is on a tollway.
The journey to the main road was fun. It was bitterly cold, the roads were empty and we were full of turkey.
"That's pretty," I said to Ross, looking ahead a little. "Look at all those lights."
"There're lights at the back of cars," he replied. "Looks a little busy."
An hour later we had moved four inches. The dashboard told us the fuel tank was empty, and Ross was bursting for the loo.
"There must have been an accident," Ross grumbled, suddenly finding nothing to be thankful for.
"I'm not so sure," I said, watching him trying to drive another two inches with his legs crossed.
"You know how everything tends to be a bit larger than life here. I reckon this is all for the sales."
"Don't be ridiculous," Ross snapped, sweat breaking out on his forehead. "Whenever we've had this sort of thing before in England, it's always been down to an accident somewhere."
I don't like to say "I told you so" (well, obviously I do), but after two hours had elapsed we saw the mall in our sights, and well...I told you so.
It was as if every car in America had decided to descend on one small outlet mall in the middle of the mid-west. What were they doing? Giving away free gold bars? I couldn't imagine where they would all park. And once inside a store?! Who would want to queue for 6 hours to pay for a shirt reduced by 20%? (Well Ross probably, but certainly not me).
So to sum up, we spend 2 hours 50 minutes driving four miles in 23F finishing at 3 o'clock in the morning. We could have almost driven to Canada in that time had the roads been clear. We ended up driving straight past the mall and turning around to sail home on the other side of the road, which was naturally clear. The return journey took eight minutes.
This year has been one of starting new traditions for us. Not sure I'll be repeating this one!

Reasons to be Thankful

Today we celebrated our first Thanksgiving in America in traditional style. This morning we watched the Macy's Thanksgiving Parade from New York on TV. Later Biff and Buffy invited us to join their family and sample some typical fare...

"When can we stop smiling and get back to the cooking?"
How wonderful. Not only a beautifully laid table, but chairs too!

Thanksgiving is also known as Turkey Day. Here's the star of the show.

Bif cuts into the bird with surgical precision.

There were 10 dishes for the main course alone. They included mashed potatoes, broccoli and two kinds of cranberry accompaniments.

Plus two kinds of sweet potatoes. One mixed traditionally with marshmallows, the other with amaretto biscuits.

"Put that camera down. We want to eat!"

Still more food - no meal is complete without dessert. Apple, pecan and pumpkin pies - plus Italian cookies just in case there wasn't enough.

You can't say you've had a Thanksgiving dinner until you've had a piece of pumpkin pie (with whipped cream, naturally).

Thanksgiving encourages everyone in America to reflect on things they are thankful for. Here are some of ours:

1. Having children who understood their parents' wish to leave home to follow their dreams.

2. Having new friends who have made us feel so welcome we feel we did the right thing in leaving home to follow our dreams.

3. Having the opportunity to live the American Dream. I am black and blue from pinching myself so I should wake up. Luckily I haven't yet.

Twenty Finger Exercise

I never, ever, want to hear anyone make fun of my tiny car again. It may only be a Yaris, but last night we were able to fit an entire piano into it!
Obviously realising that I have great musical potential, Ross agreed that I could have my Chanukah present early. (That and the fact that he found a reasonably priced digital piano in Costco). So although his car is much larger than mine, mine has folding back seats, so we took it along and were successful in pushing it in. Ok, so there wasn't room for me, but I was quite happy to stay behind while Ross drove my car back and returned in his to collect me.
"Right," he said, when we returned home. "Where do you want it?"
"In my office," I said. "Upstairs."
Now you might think this idea was a little strange. But there were two reasons for this. Firstly, I wouldn't want anyone to see it and expect me to play for them and secondly, we never planned for a piano. Admitedly we still have ample space on the first floor (ground floor to you English), but I live in hope that when the rest of the furniture arrives there won't be.
Unfazed, Ross began unpacking the pieces and taking them up the stairs one at a time. Not so bad, until we realised the keys and lid were all one piece. One heavy piece.
There was only one thing for it. It may have been 9.30 p.m. with torrential rain falling, but I knocked on our long suffering neighbours' door. The ones who helped us pull our giant grill off the back of a lorry in the summer.
"Sorry to trouble you," I said. "But do you have someone big and strong in your house to help us? We want to carry a piano upstairs."
Janet raised her eyebrows.
"Er, my son is out and John is upstairs not feeling well," she said.
I couldn't hide my disappointment.
"But don't worry," she added brightly. "I'll help."
Janet is half my size and I felt really pathetic having to ask her. But she is super fit and helped Ross carry the piano up the stairs as if it were no heavier than a large envelope.
After that Ross (amazingly) was able to put everything together with the result that I now have a lovely digital piano to practise on.
Oh, I did discover one extra bonus. It has demo modes for all the different sounds it plays which sound fabulous. It's a bit like having your first ever driving lesson, then pressing a button on the dashboard and being able to conquer hair pin bends at 100 mph.
The fact that it is upstairs means when I have visitors I can sneak upstairs and switch it on and they'll think I'm brilliant! Unless they read this first, of course....

Piano Woman

This article appeared in my column in the Naperville Sun this week:
If music be the food of love, get me a counsellor! This week I discovered why it is so hard to get little kids to practise the piano. It’s hard!
The last time my fingers tickled, sorry beat up, the ivories, I was five years old. There was musical talent in my family, but somehow the pot ran dry by the time it came to me. My mother complained that I told the teacher what to do, but in retrospect I think it was a sign that in future years I would indeed become a teacher, although obviously not of music.
In Naperville music is everything. Every child I have met under 18 plays at least six instruments at near professional level, often at the same time. Sometimes they even march down the streets playing them.
So when I met a piano teacher who said she would like to teach more adults, I felt compelled to give it a try.
Kimberly Steele works at the Naperville Cultural Centre on Main Street. She assured me it was quite different learning as an adult and she would use a more sophisticated approach.
“Ok,” she said. “These black notes are the big house. These three, the dog house. In the big house lives George and Annie. Annie has a pet bird and George a pet ferret. Here is a picture of a ferret.”
The reason for the story for anyone who doesn’t read music, unlikely in Naperville I know, is that G,A,B and F are music notes.
“Ferret?” I said, completely missing the point. “Why not a frog? That begins with F and everyone knows what they look like.”
You can see why I had trouble as a five year old.
“I don’t know, it just is,” Kim continued unfazed. “Now these three keys are the dog house. The dog has two pets, the cat and the elephant.”
“Why would a dog have a pet cat, unless it was to terrorise it?”
“It’s just to help you remember the notes,” said Kim sweetly, although I swear I could hear her teeth begin to grind.
By reading and playing music, I feel I am learning a new language, which gives me a double disadvantage.
Crotchets, quavers and minims now have to be replaced with quarter notes, half notes and whole notes, although not necessarily in the that order I hasten to add.
I placed my hands on the keys. I felt like a pianist already. This was easy.
“Your nails are beautiful,” Kim said.
I glowed with pride. My fake nails are probably the most real thing about me.
“They’ll have to go. Pianists have very short nails, you’ll have trouble playing with those.”
We’ll see about that, after oll rhuy nevre cose me any trblo tipyng.
Kim explained that instead of playing kiddie tunes, we’d soon be working on pieces by Greig and Mozart. I felt inspired. See, who needs to learn as a child when you can jump so many steps by just starting in middle age?
We talked about the kinds of music I like and how I would soon be able to play them. After 10 minutes I was convinced I’d be the new Norah Jones. If I was really good I could hold my own recitals in Starbucks!
The half hour lesson flew by. Kim explained lots of things and I tried my best to take it all in. She was so positive, I felt this was my new calling in life.
“So, that’s it for this week, remember, lots of practise and see you next time,” she said when it was over.
Practise. Darn. I hadn’t thought of that.
“Could be a little difficult, I don’t actually have a piano,” I confessed.
Kim looked disappointed. Obviously this piano playing lark needed a bit more effort on my part. She suggested helpfully that I could come in to practise at the cultural centre, but I should consider getting my own instrument a second hand piano or a keyboard at the very least.
So now I have a new problem. I have been offered a friend’s piano, but these things aren’t easily transportable. Keyboards often don’t have enough keys, although I would have thought the fewer keys the better at this stage. So for the meantime I’m damaging the ears of anyone around the cultural centre.
Even with the door closed, I’m aware I must sound like a duck with its feet tied together waddling across the keys. I can only hope anyone listening assumes I’m a three year old. I make a point of sneaking out when no one is around.
I am pleased to say that just today I was able to pick out Deck the Halls with one hand, playing the entire thing myself by ear. It might have been better had I used my fingers, but you have to start somewhere.

Preparing to be Thankful

The atmosphere is building towards Thanksgiving which takes place on Thursday. Ever since Halloween, the shops have been full of little models of pilgrims and wooden turkeys. I've even seen giant inflatible versions, but only in New Jersey at the weekend. Obviously no one in Naperville would have anything so tasteless! (There's probably a law against it!)
The Food Network on TV shows nothing but Thanksgiving recipes. Meals here are lavish at the best of times, so goodness knows what we are in for! I must have put on about 20 lbs just watching.
The meal seems a strange mixture of savoury goodies and dessert, all served as the same time. The main course seems to consist of a turkey three sizes too big to fit in the oven, sweet potatoes and marshmallows mixed together, covered in more sugar and 40 different kinds of pumpkin dishes.
The holiday actually spreads into Friday too, with sales starting in some shops at midnight, others around 4 a.m.

Dancing Queen?

We had a wonderful weekend in Philadelphia visiting my gbf and surrogate dog Yeva. We were invited to the surprise 50th birthday party of one of his closest friends. Gay parties are the best, with no attention to detail spared. The catering was wonderful, the venue perfectly lovely - gosh, we even had little boxes of M and Ms on the table with the birthday boy's name on!
The guest list included an eclectic mix of gay men and women, plus Ross and I who I think were the token straight people. Very important to be politically correct these days.
It was really fun to go somewhere with dancing for a change. It was only afterwards that that Ross was told he had such great moves that several men asked the host if he had his number! Who says straight men can't dance?!

Making Hard Work of It

What I miss most about not having a real job is going to the office early morning and chatting with colleagues. The actual work, of course, I don't miss much at all. I realised today that I currently have the best of both worlds. This was my morning:
1. Woke up with surprisingly few aches and pains considering I had spent last night learning how to belly dance. (You'll have to wait for next week's Naperville Sun for that particular nightmare).
2. Arrive at the Naperville Cultural Centre and chat with the people working there.
3. Practise the piano for an hour.
4. Chat some more. Leave.
5. Meet with someone at the Naper Settlement who introduces me to my moose. (see yesterday's entry). She gives me form to fill in and a set of jokes about dogs and fleas to practise. Not sure of connection. The moose looked very clean to me. The good news is I will not be seen at all, and ventriloquism doesn't come into it. I get to crouch under a counter with someone else with their hand stuck up a frog's behind.
6. Have lunch in local coffee shop. A man is wheeled out on a stretcher by medics as I enter, but as I'm only a newspaper columnist and not a reporter, I feel I don't need to ask questions.
7. Have nails done in preparation for a weekend away.
It's actually quite tiring when you've had a heavy morning like that. Just as well I don't have a real job.

Junk and Disorderly

I daresay junk mail is a world-wide epidemic; we certainly had our fair share in England. Unfortunately we haven't escaped it here in America, but today it reached new heights. I unlocked my mail-box to find the following, no exaggeration:
A card offering Ross free teeth whitening for life. They obviously know I'm a lost cause.
A card offering $5 off rug cleaning.
A card with coupons for a local hairdresser.
A leaflet offering a cleaning service for my house. (Must have read this week's column in the Naperville Sun).
A small newspaper full off Home for the Holidays Sale details at Menards, a local diy store. (Don't they know Ross's track record?)
A leaflet of coupons for things like tire rotation and computerized spin balance from a local garage. Sure I don't need that, but the coolant flush sounded refreshing.
A menu from an Italian caterers wishing us a happy Thanksgiving. Don't know what I would do with 5lbs of Potato salad, but at $13.25 sounds like a bargain!
A leaflet advertising dvds and music from a local discount store. Their logo is a killer shark wearing sunglasses, no idea why.
A small newspaper from a local supermarket.
A couple of papes from a rival supermarket on an even lower advertising budget.
A brochure from our nearest hardware store. Even though I won't be needing them, it's nice to know I can buy an igloo, penguin and polar bear should I want to.
A card telling me about the offers in my local wine store.
Did you know La-Z-Boy is opening a new furniture gallery in a nearby town?
A newspaper from another supermarket. Obviously didn't want to get left out.
A leaflet telling me where I can buy a full size arcade machine with 12 classic hits, although it doesn't tell me what they are.
Yet another colour newspaper telling me all the details of a three day sale in my favourite supermarket.
A coupon booklet showing me a bunch of "flowers" that is actually made of fruit. Looks ridiculous, but the bucket it comes in is quite nice.
$7 off my next Jiffy Lube. No idea what that idea is, but I'd rather have a qualified doctor do it thank you.
A newspaper telling about the offers in a supermarket I have never heard of.
A broachure offering cheap windows...plus a turkey. Wouldn't mind windows, I guess, but no need for a pet.
A colour brochure telling me about the wonderful gifts I can buy in Office Depot.
A thick catalogue for a shipping company.
A glossy brochure from a jewelers, telling me how much I need a diamond. Now, that's one worth looking at....

Moosekateer

Every day I check my e mails in the hope that some major newspaper wants to syndicate my column or a studio wants a film script. No luck so far, but I was heartened this morning to receive one from the Naper Settlement. Following my success as third witch over Halloween (I've only just scraped the last of the green paint off behing my ears) they wanted to offer me a new role.
They are having a children's event next week and needed a friendly greeter. There was some mention of a moose, but I didn't take much notice of that. I quickly rang Pat to accept.
"I am free that day," I said. (In fact I'm free virtually every day still be more or less unemployed but she doesn't need to know that).
"Oh good," she said. "We can supply the jokes, it'll be fun. We need someone with personality. It'll be great."
Jokes?
"Don't worry, you won't have to wear a moose costume. You're the ventriloquist."
Whaat?
"Er, I have worked with kids, but I'm not a ventriloquist," I said, panicking as to what I had agreed to do.
"It's ok. You don't have to do it properly. Just work the moose and talk to it. Hang on it's here, I'll just measure it for you....It's about 12". For a minute I thought she was going to get me to talk to him on the phone.
Now don't get me wrong. I like moose as much as the next person, but preferably chocolate.
"But I don't think moose speak with English accents," I said. There's a sentence I never thought I'd say.
"Doesn't matter. Just any moose voice will do."
Oh, that's ok then! What is that woman on?
Anyhow, I'm going in to meet with her tomorrow. Obviously I'm not going to take the part, it's far too embarrassing even for me...but I might just practise a little in case.

Turning the Tables

I am so excited I can hardly wait to tell you! After 4 months, two days, four hours, 36 minutes and 23 seconds, we finally have a dining room table!! The wait has been difficult to say the least. It was ok in the summer because we could entertain outside. We could manage a few guests inside thanks to our spacious kitchen countertops plus bar stools, then a few more once the poker/pub table arrived. But when we had to host two formal dinner parties on plastic fold up tables with garden chairs in the Fall, it all became a bit wearing.
Problems began when the mill manufacturing the custom fabric for part of the order went into liquidation. The company we ordered from (remember the ones who thought a gigantic Italianate sleigh bed would suit our contemporary style) somehow managed to get the fabric made. But for some reason which will never get to the bottom of, that meant the entire order wasn't started, even though some of it had no fabric on it all.
Anyway, I would like to say all was forgiven today when I had an emotional reunion with the delivery men I never thought I would see again. But I can't. The dining room table is indeed beautiful and I can't wait to host my next dinner party on it. Unfortunately I can't. We are still awaiting a sofa, two accent chairs, eight dining room chairs and a cocktail cabinet.

I Should Be So Lucky

Saw the most amazing thing on Saturday, at NBC's Travel Expo on Navy Pier, Chicago. It was a large event which attracted thousands of people. A group of us gathered around while a raffle was drawn to win a cruise around the Greek Isles. It was won by a guy called Mark, who was suitably delighted as he had never been to Greece before.
We then waited for a second draw. This was a totally separate raffle with different tickets in a different box to win a wide screen TV.
You can imagine everyone's amazement when the winner turned out to be the same guy! It definitely wasn't rigged, just an astonishing co-incidence. And they say lightening never strikes twice...

Poker For Dummies

How to play poker:

1. Prepare enough appetizers for 12 people who haven't eaten for a week. Welcome three guests who just ate dinner.
2. Pour wine, open beer.
3. Sit at table, being very careful not to scratch it because it is new.
4. Wipe up beer and wine spills.
5. Take two packs of cards, shuffle and bang on table, remembering to be careful. Pleeease.
6. Distribute chips.
7. Distribute salsa.
8. It is easy to see who the dealer is. He has a button with the word 'dealer', although to be fair even the stupidest person would realise because he is the one dealing the cards.
9. The dealer deals two cards to each person. They look at their cards and throw in some chips. Then they look at each other and throw in some more.
10. The dealer deals three open cards. The players comment knowledgeably, like a surgeon preparing for a big operation.
11. Someone taps the table and says "check". No idea why. Probably commenting on the quality of the new table.
12. Someone else says "I'll raise you." Don't know why this is necessary. All the chairs are quite high enough, thank you.
13. Drink more beer.
14. Someone says "fold". Don't know what this means either, but it doesn't mean you need to fetch napkins. Sorry.
15. In turn players say things like flop, river, straight and flush. Don't know what this means either, but luckily it doesn't spoil the table top.
16. Drink more beer and scrape salsa off the floor.
17. Someone says "I'm out", but they still continue playing.
18. All the chips in the middle of the table are pushed to one player.
Player's Tip: most poker tables are felt for a reason. Don't get a shiny one. Everything slides off, but it is handy should you want to play air hockey.
19. After 4 hours some players find they lose the will to live. The person who loses all their chips first is the winner, because they get to go home.

The Rockford Files

On Sunday we drove out to Rockford, Illinois. We visited the beautiful Anderson Japanese Gardens to catch the last of the beautiful Fall colours. It's early November now, but the weather thinks it's September.

Czechs Please!

This weekend we attended Nitka Night at Naperville's City Hall. Nitka is Naperville's twin town in Slovenia. We enjoyed watching displays of Slovak folk dancing and music, plus a wonderful buffet and raffle, all free. But best of all was the chance to get to see the mayor of Naperville, George Pradel, in action. I have written about him previously on the blog, but never heard him speak.
He was extraordinary.He didn't need a microphone, just shouted out like a town crier. If you had to draw a stereotypical small town American mayor, George would be it. He looks like Santa without the beard, but knowing him he will probably grow one specially for Christmas.

It's Beginning To Sound A Lot Like Christmas

On November 1st one of the local radio stations announced it would start playing holiday music. I listened today and discovered that is all it is playing, and Christmas is still almost two months away. Last week I heard Christmas music playing in a lingerie shop and trees and decorations are popping up all over the place.
Locals have still to remove their Halloween decorations and it is already Christmas! What about Thanksgiving on November 22nd? We've hardly heard a thing about that, save for the carpet and floor company, Empire, who are promising a free turkey will every order placed.
I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. Halloween seemed to begin on October 1st, and that's a minor holiday compared to Christmas.
Despite being Jewish, I enjoy the atmosphere of Christmas as much as the next person, but I think I may well be sick of it by December 24th. But wait, I see Chanukah is only just over a month away! I must get busy...

Ghost Busters

We decided to beat the Americans at their own game for our first Halloween. We dressed up on our cobweb laden porch and frightened the neighbourhood children so much some were almost too frightened to come and ask for candy. We're obviously now known as those crazy people from England and house prices will no doubt fall dramatically, but we like to make a difference.
Once we had made sure no child would sleep easy that night, we joined a ghost tour in downtown Naperville.
"We won't need to change," I told Ross, adjusting my curly wig. "It's Halloween. Everyone will be dressed up."
Thus it was at 8 p.m. we found ourselves boarding the Fright Night trolley dressed as a ghoul and a witch with three middle aged women in anoraks. Even the tour guide only had a silk jacket to distinguish him from the rest of us.
To be fair the assistant guide was dressed as a spooky monk, but I think even he felt a bit overshadowed.
Anyhow, we set off around the town while our guide Kevin James, recounted local ghost stories.
Of course being Naperville, it wasn't as simple as that. Any other town would have an actor telling made up tales. Kevin is a real ghost hunter and gave very detailed explanations of how to track them.
We stopped at Naperville Cemetery to take photos of orbs. For the uninitiated, these are spirits which fly around as circular shapes. At the next stop, Naperville train station, scene of a train wreck in 1946, we were given detectors to try out.
"It will flash red if you walk near a presence," Kevin said.
It looked just the things they give you in busy restaurants that flash when your table is ready.
Needless to say, mine never went off. However, it did start to make me feel hungry.
"So," I asked at the end of the tour. "How do sceptics fare on these tours? Do you have to believe in order to see anything?"
"Oh yes," Kevin replied. "I am very open to spirits so I draw them to me like a magnet."
Fortunately I am the complete opposite. So that's why I didn't see anything then.
The other ladies seemed convinced they had plenty of orbs in their photos. To me they looked like sun spots, but then again, it was the dead of night...